


Shenanigans of Camelot

by PrincessPersephone123



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur loves merlin secretly, But a cute little shit, Everyone in camelot knows, Gwaine Being Gwaine, Gwaine Knows, Merlin is a Little Shit, Other, everyone in the kingdom being idiots, except sir leon, give that man a fucking award, uther and gaius being done with their shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-08-23 22:27:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 600
Words: 23,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16627595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessPersephone123/pseuds/PrincessPersephone123
Summary: Just some light - hearted moments between the idiots of Camelot that we all deserve and the show didn't show us!





	1. He's Not The Boss Of You !!!

**Author's Note:**

> Gwaine has a favor to ask of Merlin and Merlin struggles with an inner conflict in granting it.

(Gwaine and Merlin hanging out)

Gwaine : Hey Merlin can I go to the tavern?

Merlin : What did Arthur say?

Gwaine : He said no....

Merlin : Then why are you asking me?

Gwaine : Because he is not the boss of you!

Merlin : (internally) this is a trap, this is a trap, this is a trap, this is a trap.


	2. Nobody Died!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin saves the Kingdom of Camelot with his powerful magic once again for the millionth time but this time something is wrong .....

Merlin : (Bursts into the room and slams door clearly panicked)

Arthur : Oh God Merlin, what did you do?

Merlin : Nobody died !

Arthur : WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep... I can see this happening.


	3. Merlin's Headache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has an incurable headache and complains about it to a sympathetic Lancelot.

Lancelot : So, how have you been ?

Merlin : Fine. Except for this headache. Comes and goes.

Lancelot : I'm sorry to hear that. Have you gone to Gaius for a remedy ?

Arthur : (Yelling angrily from the other end of the castle) MERLIIIINNN !!!!!

Merlin : Oh look there it is.


	4. Symptoms of Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically, just the beginning of the many adventures of mommy Lancelot and daddy Leon.

Lancelot : What are the symptoms of teenage depression ?

Leon : Why are you asking me ?

Lancelot : Merlin was doing laundry earlier and he dropped a shirt and I heard him say 'why has god forsaken me?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot and Leon being concerned parents fussing over Merlin is my aesthetic.


	5. Show Your Father Some Respect!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin calls Gaius 'dad' and chaos ensue.

Merlin : (To Gaius) Thanks dad.

Gaius : ......

Merlin : Why is everyone staring at me ?

Gwen : You just called Gaius 'dad'. You said, 'thanks, dad'.

Merlin : What? No I didn't! I said, thanks old man!

Gaius : Do you see me as a father figure Merlin ?

Merlin : No, if anything, I see you as a bother figure because you're always bothering me.

Arthur : Hey !!! Show your father some respect !!!!


	6. Arthur's Refined Tastes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has refined tastes and Merlin is a blushing red strawberry.

Arthur : Congratulations, you caught me.

Arthur : I have refined tastes, not just anyone will do.

Lancelot : Are you alright, Merlin ? You've gone bright red.

Gwaine : See, you've traumatised our dear Merlin with your weird courting.

Arthur : I have done nothing. Well, not yet.

Merlin : Where's Gwen ? I haven't seen her in a while. We should go find her. Actually, I think I know where she might be. I'll go look.

Gwaine : What's up with him ?

Arthur : I can think of a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Merthur fluff and fun to come !!!


	7. Arthur's Model Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther and Arthur discusses what Arthur's model wife would be like and arrive at a unlikely yet unsurprising conclusion.

Uther Pendragon : (To Arthur) Son, I received your report on what you wish your 'model wife' to be like. 

Uther Pendragon : (Clears throat) My model wife won't care whether I am a Prince, she will insult me and call me idiotic names such as 'clotpole' and 'dollophead', she will wear well worn scarves around her slender pale neck, she will trip over her feet clumsily yet endearingly and she will always serve me breakfast in bed late with half of the food gone. 

Uther Pendragon : (Looks at Arthur with raised eyebrows shaking his head slightly) Why don't you just marry Merlin ?

(Merlin starts spluttering and Arthur looks taken aback while Morgana and Gwen chuckle knowingly)

Arthur : Because our kids would look like horses !!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon is the biggest Merthur shipper hahaha.


	8. Punch Me !!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another one of Arthur and Merlin's weird kinks.

Arthur : Punch me in the face !!!

Merlin : Punch you ?

Arthur : Yes, punch me. In the face. Didn't you hear me ?

Merlin : I always hear "PUNCH ME IN THE FACE!" when you're speaking but it's usually subtext.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this quote is taken from the dialogue John and Sherlock had in the TV show 'Sherlock' and honestly it applies a lot to Merthur.


	9. The Kids Are Doomed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin watched the children of Camelot play.

(Arthur and Merlin watching the kids in Camelot playing)

Arthur : Look at them. They're having so much fun. They're so happy.

Merlin : Yeah.

Merlin : How long do you think it'll be until they lose the will to live ?

Arthur : I don't remember ever having one.

Merlin : Yeah, those kids are doomed.


	10. My Old Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin learns the true reason behind why Morgana tries to kill him.

Morgana : Merlin, my old friend.

Merlin : I think you tried to kill me at some point. No scratch that. At several points.

Morgana : That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.


	11. Comparing Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gaius have a chat about comparing Arthur to certain characters.

Gaius : What have I told you about comparing Arthur to the devil ?

Merlin : That it's offensive to the devil.


	12. To Kill Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evil Morgana tells Arthur of her totally evil mastermind plan to kill him

Morgana : I don't hate you

Arthur : No ?

Morgana : No, though I did at least imagine twenty different ways to remove your head from your body. 

Arthur : Really ? Which one looked best ?

Morgana : A butter knife. Really dull one.

Arthur : No, you wouldn't want it to go quick, would you ?


	13. Do you Have a Hairbrush ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The difference between Gwen and Morgana.

Merlin : Alright, give me your hairbrush.

Gwen : What? What are you talking about ?

Merlin : Don't you carry one around with you ?

Gwen : Have you ever met a human woman ?

Merlin, to Morgana : Hey, do you carry a hairbrush around with you ?

Morgana : Of course. I am not an animal.


	14. Are You In Or Out ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has an important decision to make.

Gwaine : Bottom line, are you in or are you out ?

Arthur : Well then, I'm out !!!

Gwaine : Actually you're already in. 

Arthur : Then why would you ask me ?

Gwaine : Because I thought you would say 'I'm in, Gwaine!' and we would have had a really cool moment, but you kinda ruined the whole thing.


	15. Take Care of Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Gwaine interrogate a suspect in their usual fashion.

(After interrogating a suspect)

Arthur : ( To Gwaine) Take care of him.

( Gwaine punches the suspect in the face )

Arthur : What the hell did you do that for ?

Gwaine : You said 'Take care of him'. 

Arthur : I meant, cut him loose !!!

Gwaine : Oh shit !!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Arthur and Gwaine bromance for you !!!


	16. Morgana's Hobby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana reveals her hobbies to Arthur and Gwen and Arthur and Gwen wonder whether they should be concerned about their friend's mental health.

Morgana : In my spare time, I like writing obituaries.

Arthur : Excuse me ?

Morgana : Obituaries for you guys.

Gwen : Your hobby is imagining what you're going to write when we die ?

Morgana : You guys don't do this ?

Arthur and Gwen : NOOOO !!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some good old friendship bonding with the trio of Arthur, Morgana and Gwen !!!


	17. Crime in Camelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin plays detective and discovers the unexpected yet expected truth of the safety of Camelot.

Merlin : I have made a list of all the murders that have gone down in Camelot since five years ago to see if there was a pattern. That lead me to this.

(Merlin gestures to a map of Camelot completely covered in red dots)

Merlin : There is so much crime in Camelot. No one should live here.


	18. Uther The Imperfect Parent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther reflects on parenthood and how he could have raised his children better.

Uther Pendragon : For years, I've done my best to raise both of you.

Uther Pendragon : Have I been perfect ? No. Do I know anything about children ? No. Should I have picked up a book on parenting ? Probably.

Gaius : .....

Arthur : ......

Morgana : ......

Uther Pendragon : Where was I going with this ? I had a point.


	19. Overreacting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is in denial about his tendency to ... well .... um .... overreact.

Arthur : Why didn't you tell me ?

Merlin : Because of your tendency to overreact.

Arthur : (Stabbing the table with a knife in a fit of anger) I DO NOT OVERREACT !!!


	20. Not Your Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is not anyone's bitch and Mommy Lancelot's and Daddy Leon's adventures continue.

Mordred : Hey Merlin, could you make me a pie ?

Merlin : I'm not making pie, sorry Mordred.

Mordred : Why ?

Merlin : Because .... Because I'm not your bitch !!!

Leon and Lancelot : MERLIN !!!!

Merlin : Hey sorry, I was under pressure okay ?

Mordred : What's a bitch ?

Gwaine : This is the greatest moment of my life.


	21. The Nicest Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is in terrible need of a friend.

Merlin : ( praying ) I need someone to be my friend, someone who won't run away from me.

Merlin : Maybe send me an angel ! The nicest angel you have - 

Gwaine, emerging from the flames : ( Maniacal laughter )


	22. Hands Were Made For ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin tries to convince Arthur that he can use his hands in a better and different way.

Arthur : Hands were made for making fists !!!

Merlin : No hands were made for holding.

Arthur : ...... For holding ?

Merlin : For holding.

Arthur : ...........

Arthur : ...........

Arthur : ....... For holding weapons !!!!

Gwaine : YEAH !!!!

Merlin : NO !!!!

Leon : MAYBE.


	23. Guess Who ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is blinded by a set of familiar hands and he has to guess who. But he has a feeling he already knows.

( Covers Merlin's eyes)

Arthur : Guess who ? He's gorgeous and adorable.

Arthur : And he's gonna get really mad if you get it wrong.


	24. The Wonder of The English Language

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Morgana have no words to express their annoyance with the irritating male Pendragons.

"There are approximately 1,013,913 words in the English language but I could never string any of them together to explain how much I want to hit you with a chair."

Merlin and Morgana to Uther and Arthur Pendragon


	25. Hot Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur's got a hot date in the form of magical blue eyes and clumsy feet.

Gwaine : Got a hot date ?

Merlin : No, but the man I'm dating does.

Arthur : ( makes offended sounds )


	26. Put It In Already !!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur discovers one of many Merlin's special gifts with his mouth and tongue.

Merlin : Ah Arthur !!!

Merlin : Just put it in already , dammit - Yes like that. Only have it go deeper.

Arthur : ( already aroused by Merlin's mere presence )How the hell do you manage to make even adding ingredients to a potion sound sexual ?

Merlin : (smirks cheekily ) It is a special talent of mine.


	27. Gwen Does Not Stutter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen is a badass Merthur shipper who does not take any shit from Arthur or Merlin.

( After fighting the bandits )

Gwen : ( Patting Arthur and Merlin on the back ) Good job gays !

Merlin : .......

Arthur : ( Nervous laughter ) Did you mean to say gu - 

Gwen : Did I fucking stutter ?


	28. Engaygement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur meets Mithian.

Mithian : Are you two married ?

Merlin : No, we're en - gay - ged. 

Arthur : Can I get an early divorce ?


	29. Trouble in Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The whole of Camelot knows Arthur's undying love for Merlin that lies beneath his frustrated rants.

Arthur : Merlin thinks he's so wonderful with his stupid scarves and his stupid beautiful blue eyes and his stupid face and I hate him so much. I wanted red curtains and he got maroon instead.

The whole of Camelot : You two have been married for thirteen years, why are you this way ?


	30. What Happens When Gwaine Is Drunk.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling this is just the beginning of more of this to come.

Arthur : You drunken fool, Gwaine !!!! If the bandits catch us all, we'll be dead !!!

Gwaine : Me ? Arthur, you're the one who tripped into me because you kept staring at Merlin's arse - 

Arthur : (blushing a bright Pendragon red) DON'T LISTEN TO HIM MERLIN !!! HE'S DRUNK HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S SAYING !!!

Gwaine : Just because I'm dr - 

Arthur : SHUT UP GWAINE !!! ELENA CONTROL YOUR BOYFRIEND !!!

Elena and Gwaine both turning red : What ?

Merlin : ( Trying not to laugh ) Is my arse really that nice ?


	31. Stripping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Arthur does not approve of Merlin's choice of clothes.

Arthur : I don't think that shirt suits you.

Arthur : Or those trousers.

Arthur : Good God, this scarf is just hideous.

Merlin : Arthur, you're stripping me.


	32. Gwaine Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine Knows. He Just Knows.

Gwaine : ( Smirking knowingly ) Merlin, you don't have to go burn a hole in the back of Arthur Pendragon's skull.

Gwaine : I'm sure if you told him you just wanted to fuck, he'd oblige.

Gwaine : I hear the Prince of Camelot is very gracious, y'know.

Merlin : ( Still staring at a shirtless Arthur fighting one of the knights in the training grounds) I have no idea what you're talking about Gwaine.


	33. Meeting Merlin's Mum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur meets Merlin's mother.

Arthur to Hunith : I'm sorry I took your son's virginity. It won't happen again.


	34. A Long Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur wants Merlin to disagree with him but for once in his life Merlin agrees with Arthur.

Arthur : I'm an idiot.

Merlin : .....

Arthur : .....

Merlin : If you're waiting for me to disagree with you then it's going to be a long night.


	35. Set Fire To The Desk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius can't seem to find the usual troublemakers of Camelot anywhere today.

Gaius : ( Walks into his seemingly empty chambers, pauses and looks around )

Gaius : Well, I guess the room is empty. What a perfect time to set fire to my desk. 

(Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, Gwaine, Lancelot , Percival and Elyan scramble out from under the desk )


	36. Panic At Camelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin meets his future husband and Gwaine is in a total state of despair

Merlin : Excuse me, but who are you ?

Arthur : I'm Arthur Pendragon, your future husband.

Gwaine : ( Turns towards Lancelot, Leon and Gwen ) Can we panic now ?


	37. Truly Unfortunate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Percival get locked together in a room.

Percival : I can't believe we are locked together in this room.

Gwaine : ( While throwing the key out of the window ) Truly unfortunate.


	38. Hugs for Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin definitely needs a hug. Loads and loads of hugs.

Merlin : That's my way of doing things. When life gives me pain, I take the pain and push it down. And if that pain starts to come up again, I push more pain on top of it. Why confront something when you can avoid it right ?

Gwen : ..... Merlin do you need a hug ?


	39. Morning Greetings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine teach the others how to say 'Good Morning' properly.

Arthur : Good Morning 

Gwen : Good Morning 

Lancelot : Good Morning 

Merlin : You all sound eerily same, 'Good Morning', 'Good Morning'. Spice it up a little bit. Like ' let's have you lazy daisy !!!!'

Gwaine : MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS !!!!


	40. Drunk Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after the troublemakers of Camelot get drunk and play games together.

"Okay, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional?" wasn't the best drunk idea we've ever had. Arthur's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out."

\- Merlin


	41. Not In Public

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Merlin has a lot of affection for Arthur. Clearly.

Gwaine : ( About Arthur ) Can't I just stab him ?

Merlin : Not in public.


	42. Let's Get the Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin team up to take down Morgana

Merlin : What if I told you I knew where Morgana was right now ?

Arthur : I'd say let's get the bitch.


	43. Blood Curdling Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur comes to a terrifying mind blowing conclusion about Merlin and him.

Merlin : I told you to stay out of it !!!

Arthur : Because I am the Prince and you are my manservant, nothing more.

Merlin : Right.

Arthur : Well, I thought long and hard about that, Merlin, and after many, many, many, hours I've come to the most wretched of realizations. One that might curdle your very blood. 

Merlin : .......

Arthur : You are my friend.


	44. Unicorns and Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur watched Merlin pet a unicorn.

( Merlin petting a unicorn on the head )

Arthur : I wanna ride that.

Leon : I thought you said you didn't like unicorns.

Arthur : I wasn't talking about the unicorn.


	45. Gwaine Being Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a few things weighing down on his chest and Gwaine is a horny bastard.

Merlin : I need to get something off my chest.

Gwaine : Is it your shirt ? Please say it's your shirt.


	46. Falling For Arthur ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Classic Merthur banter.

Arthur : Admit it Merlin. You've fallen for me.

Merlin : I didn't fall for you Arthur. You fucking tripped me.


	47. Gaius Knows Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther wishes to know about his son's secretive courting life and approached Gaius

Uther Pendragon : So I heard Arthur is seeing someone at Camelot. 

Gaius : I know. 

Uther Pendragon : He never talks about her much. I wonder - 

Gaius : Did you say her ?

Uther Pendragon : Yeah. Why ?

Gaius : ( Laughs uncontrollably )

Uther Pendragon : I .... I don't think I've ever heard you laugh Gaius.

Gaius : Well, the fact that you think it's a 'she' , is the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.


	48. Stone Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the Camelot's sweetest couples act when one of them is cold.

Gwen : I'm cold.

Lancelot : Here take my jacket, sweetheart.

Arthur : I'm cold.

Merlin : What ? ( Taking off jacket ) I told you to bring more layers but of course you didn't listen and now ( Piling scarves on Arthur ) Now look, I've got to make sure you don't FREEZE TO DEATH SIRE, and ( taking Leon's hat ) How long have you been cold, you should have said something sooner.

Percival : I'm cold.

Gwaine : Well, dammit Percy I don't control the weather. It might help if you wore some sleeves though.


	49. Insufferable Idiot and Prissy Prat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon is tired of Arthur and Merlin's constant bickering and endless bantering.

Arthur : You're such an insufferable idiot !!!

Merlin : At least, I'm not a prissy prat !!!

Arthur : WHAT DID YOU - 

Uther Pendragon, walking by : ( Under his breath ) Oh for the love of Camelot, just kiss already !

Arthur : What, father ?

Uther Pendragon : What ?


	50. Arthur's Tantrums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has tantrums and they all concern Merlin. Uther is convinced this is just a phase but is he right ?

Young Arthur : Father ! Merlin is the worst manservant ever and that's so unfair and I hate him with his stupid face and his stupid eyes and the way he smiles at me so perfectly !!!

Uther Pendragon : ( To Gaius ) I'm sure he'll grow out of this 

5 Years Later

Arthur : FATHER I WANT TO CHANGE THE COLOR SCHEME OF THE BEDROOM BUT OH NO MERLIN WON'T LET ME AND THAT'S NOT FAIR BECAUSE I AM HIS HUSBAND AND I HAVE RIGHTS AND I HATE HIM WITH HIS STUPID FACE AND HIS STUPID EYES AND HIS STUPID PERFECT SMILE !!!

Uther Pendragon : ( Sobs into Gaius' lap )


	51. Father and Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther gives Arthur advice but it does not go the way he was expecting.

Arthur : Father, that stupid Merlin keeps teasing me that I am gay.

Uther Pendragon : Then off with his head !!!

Arthur : .......

Arthur : .......

Arthur : But he is so freaking cute !!!!

Uther Pendragon : ......

Arthur : I shall ask him on a date. ( Sighs dreamily )

Uther Pendragon : ......

Arthur : And father, right after that, I shall kiss him. I shall make fun of him, of course.

Uther Pendragon : ( Faints )


	52. The Book of The Lord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur trying to flirt with Merlin and Lancelot being a protective mother over Merlin.

Arthur : ( Leaning towards Merlin who is polishing his armor ) Hey Merlin, nice fingers.

Merlin : Um, thanks ?

Arthur : You know, they'd look even better wrapped around my - 

Lancelot : THEY'D ALSO LOOK BETTER WRAPPED AROUND THE BOOK OF THE LORD, AMEN !!!


	53. Last Friday Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last Friday Night in Camelot

All : Last Friday Night

Elyan: Yeah we jumped on table tops

Merlin : And we drank too much of wine

Arthur: Think we kissed but I forgot

All: Last Friday Night

Morgana : Yeah Uther married a troll

Gwaine : And we got kicked out of the tavern

Merlin: So we hit the dungeons 

All: Last Friday Night

Gwen :Yeah Leon got dressed up like a lady

Lancelot : Then we went swimming in the lake

Leon : And Camelot got attacked

All : Last Friday Night

Percival : Yeah I think magic was used

Merlin : Always say we're going to stop

All : This Friday Night

Gaius and Uther Pendragon : YOU'RE NOT DOING IT AGAIN !!!


	54. The Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur really does know how to propose to his lover properly.

Arthur : Merlin, your last name doesn't fit you. You should change it.

Merlin : Oh really ? And do you have any bright ideas, dollophead ?

Arthur : Pendragon ( Walks Away )

Merlin : Wait - what ? Did - did you just propose to me ? 

Merlin : ARTHUR GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW !!!


	55. Leon The Most Appropriate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just daddy Leon and his little child Gwaine.

Leon : In school, I was voted 'Most Appropriate'.

Gwaine : Ooohh Self Burn !!! Those are rare !!!


	56. Just Surprise Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Percival have a talk about requirements for a nice date.

Gwaine : I just want someone to take me out

Percival : Like on a date or with a punch ?

Gwaine : Surprise me.


	57. Sticks and Stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In case any one of you wanted to know what Morgana has for breakfast.

Morgana : Sticks and stones, Arthur.

Arthur : Describing your breakfast ?


	58. Flex and Pop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percival has a hard time keeping his shirt on and Gwaine is all for shirtless Percival.

Percival : You want me to flex and make all the buttons pop off my shirt ?

Gwaine : Yes! You can do that ?

Percival : The challenge is keeping the buttons on.

Gwaine : (Sweating, thinking about Percival's chest ) Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.


	59. Being Friends with Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will describes his friendship with Merlin to Arthur.

"Look I've known Merlin forever. Our friendship is little boy holding little boy's hand."

\- Will to Arthur.


	60. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius gives The Talk to a young Arthur.

Young Arthur : ( When getting the talk from Gaius ) How does um - uh - ovulation or - um - pregnancy occur ?

Gaius : Well, the man's got the sperm and the woman's got the egg. Now once a month the egg slides down the Phillipine tube towards the uterus. 

Gaius : The first sperm to reach the egg wins.

Gaius : It gets a medal, it's born, you name him Arthur, you push him out the door and nothing makes sense for the rest of his life.


	61. Borrow A Quill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The adventures of Daddy Leon and Mommy Lancelot continue but this time they are joined by their trustworthy ally Gwaine to protect the purity of Merlin.

( A day after Arthur and Merlin breaks up )

Mordred : Hey Merlin, could I borrow your quill ?

( Gwaine, Lancelot and Leon appear out of nowhere unsheathing their swords and shielding Merlin from Mordred )

Leon : THEY'RE NOT DIVORCED, MORDRED !!! IT'S JUST A TRIAL SEPARATION !!! 

Gwaine : AND DON'T THINK, DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT 'BORROW A QUILL' MEANS, OKAY? 

Lancelot : EXACTLY !!! NOBODY, NOBODY HAS BORROWED MORE QUILLS THAN GWAINE !!!


	62. Too Much Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin learns the reason why Arthur doesn't kill him even when he really wants to.

Merlin : Arthur, what I'm about to tell you is going to make you want to kill me.

Arthur : I''m not going to kill you Merlin. It takes too much time to break in a new manservant into a new best friend.


	63. Swapping Spit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine can't help that he happens to be in places where Arthur decides to snog Merlin.

( Gwaine watching Arthur and Merlin kiss from top of the tree and Merlin and Arthur finally noticing Gwaine on top of the tree )

Merlin : ( Annoyed )How long have you been on top of the tree ?

Gwaine : Long enough to watch you swap spit with a Pendragon !!!


	64. Dating Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot approaches Gwaine to get some advice on how to ask a girl out.

Lancelot : How do ask a girl out ?

Gwaine : Simple. You open the door and say 'Get out, you're bothering me'.


	65. Spring Colors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana really does know how to dress for spring

Morgana : ( Wears dark black ) 

Merlin: I see you are breaking out the spring colors.


	66. Pep Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine's amazing at giving Pep Talks.

Arthur : Who's turn is it to give the pep talk ?

Leon and Lancelot : ( Sighs ) Gwaine's

Gwaine : Fuck shit up out there and don't die.

Elyan : (Stands up and starts clapping )

Percival : ( Wipes away a tear ) Beautiful.


	67. Merlin Does Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has some very unjust accusations against Merlin and Gwen, Lancelot, Leon and Gwaine come to Merlin's defense.

Arthur : You're the worst manservant in Camelot, Merlin !!! You do nothing all day !!!

Gwen : He converts oxygen into carbon dioxide. 

Lancelot : He regenerates cells. 

Leon : He transmits nerve cells to his brain.

Gwaine : He digests food.

Merlin : How is that nothing ?

Arthur : ........


	68. Gwaine Being Gwaine Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine stands up for himself.

"I'm not going to stand here and listen to you accuse me of things I clearly did."

\- Gwaine to Arthur, Leon, Lancelot, Gaius and every tavern owner at some point of his life.


	69. Arthur's Bracelet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen makes a friendship bracelet for Arthur.

Gwen : I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Arthur : You know I'm not really a jewellery person.

Gwen : Oh, you don't have to wear it.

Arthur : No I'm going to wear it forever. Back off.


	70. Adventures of Daddy Leon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon just wants to eat his salad in peace.

Arthur : ( Yawns )

Merlin : ( Trying to flirt ) I suppose being so pretty must be tiring.

Arthur : Then you must be exhausted. 

Merlin : ( Blushes )

Arthur : ( Grins )

Leon : Oh really guys ? Really ? RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD ?


	71. Arthur and Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur doesn't understand failure.

Morgana : You hate to be wrong !

Arthur : I wouldn't know. I'm not familiar with the sensation.


	72. Pick Up Lines For Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur tries to woo Merlin by using pick up lines.

Arthur : Hey did it hurt ?

Merlin : What ?

Arthur : When you fell from heaven ?

Merlin : Did you just call me Satan ?

Arthur : .........

Gwaine : oH ShITs aBOut To Go DoWN


	73. Merlin's Pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur wants Merlin's pants off.

Arthur : I like your pants

Merlin : Thanks. They were 50% off.

Arthur : Well I'd like them a 100% off.

Merlin : What kind of market just gives stuff away ?

Arthur : No, that's not what I - 

Merlin : That's no way to run a business, Arthur.


	74. Importance of Language

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine sometimes forgets the importance of proper language. Good thing he has Merlin by his side to remind him.

Gwaine : Who the fuck - 

Merlin : Language !

Gwaine : Whom the fuck - 

Merlin : NO !!!


	75. Morgana's Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana warns Merlin of the consequences of messing with her.

"You're either on my side, by my side or in my fucking way. Choose wisely."

\- Morgana to Merlin.


	76. Lying to Arthur.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's always got Lancelot's back.

Lancelot : ( To Merlin ) I can't lie to Arthur.

Merlin : Alright, I'll do it.


	77. Merlin and Arthur's Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percival doesn't know where Merlin and Arthur is and Gwaine has some explaining to do regarding the financial losses suffered by Percival.

Percival : Hey where did Arthur and Merlin go ?

Gwen : They're celebrating their anniversary.

Percival : Anniversary of what ?

Gwen : .......

Gwen : .... Of their relationship.

Percival : Haha you make it sound like they are courting.

Gwen : They are .....

Percival : WHAT ? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN ?

Gwen : HOW THE HELL DID YOU NOT KNOW, THEY'VE BEEN COURTING FOR A WHOLE YEAR !!!

Percival : .....

Percival : Wait a minute, I've been betting with Gwaine on when they get together.

Percival : THAT IDIOT HAS BEEN CHEATING ME OF MY MONEY !!!!


	78. Secret Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the adventures of Daddy Leon featuring Merthur never ends !!!

( Arthur kisses Merlin on the cheek )

Merlin : Arthur, stop it no one here knows we're dating.

Leon : Yes we do.


	79. Princess Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin reveals his fantasy hot girl and Gwaine has a guess at who it might be.

Gwaine : Describe a hot girl 

Merlin : Blonde and blue eyed.

Gwaine : I knew there was a reason I kept calling Arthur, 'Princess'.


	80. An Alphabetized List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin reflects on his actions and as always Gaius is there to remind him of the worst he has done.

Merlin : When have I done anything rash or irresponsible ?

Gaius : I keep a list. It's alphabetized.


	81. Question Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The real reason why Arthur didn't like Merlin at first

Arthur : Do you even know why I hated you at first ?

Merlin : Because I'm a commoner, your manservant and annoying all the time ?

Arthur : No. Because you made me question everything they ever told me.


	82. Unbelievable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin cannot believe that Arthur is in love with him.

Merlin : Arthur has a crush on me ? The Pendragon Prat ? The most pompous ass to have ever been born in Camelot has a little crush on me ? A common manservant who was born in Ealdor and an all powerful warlock and dragonlord who possesses magic ? Oh how the mighty have fallen - 

Arthur : Merlin , we've been married for almost 45 years. We have three kids and several grandchildren so can you please stop this ?

Merlin : Haha I know but I still cannot believe ....


	83. The Routine of Merlin and Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon, Mommy Lancelot, the Kingdom of Camelot and basically the whole five kingdoms have a problem with the routine of Merlin and Arthur and decide to intervene before their sanity flies out of the window.

Merlin and Arthur : ( Argues all day )

Merlin and Arthur : ( Has loud sex all night )

Merlin and Arthur : ( Sleeps all morni - 

Leon and Lancelot : ( Banging pots and pans together ) WE DIDN'T GET NO SLEEP BECAUSE OF Y'ALL !!! THE WHOLE KINGDOM DIDN'T GET NO SLEEP BECAUSE OF YA'LL !!! THE FIVE KINGDOMS DIDN'T GET NO SLEEP BECAUSE OF YA'LL !!! THE DEAD DIDN'T GET NO SLEEP BECAUSE OF YA'LL !!! AND NOW YA'LL AIN'T GONNA GET NO SLEEP BECAUSE OF US !!!


	84. Miss or Kiss ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur wouldn't miss Merlin's presence at all but we all know the truth.

Arthur : You look nice, I want to kiss you.

Merlin : What ?

Arthur : I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN'T MISS YOU !!!


	85. Sir Gwaine Loves Apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sir Gwaine and his apples .... A better love story than Twilight.

Lancelot : Gwaine, you think every round fruit is an apple.

Gwaine : No I don't.

Lancelot : ( Holding up cherries ) What are these ?

Gwaine : Tiny apples 

Lancelot : ( Points to the pumpkins ) And what are those ?

Gwaine : Halloween apples.


	86. The Debate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin debate on a very important issue.

Merlin : Are saying you like me or not ?

Arthur : Are you saying you like ME or not ?

Merlin : I'm saying I like you !

Arthur : Well, then I'm saying I like YOU !!!

Merlin : Fine !

Arthur : Fine !

Merlin : Then I guess we're courting.

Arthur : FINE !

Merlin : FINE !


	87. A Dragon's Riddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Kilgarrah have a very difficult relationship.

Kilgarrah : Young warlock, what are you doing now ?

Merlin : Having my day ruined by whatever cryptic riddle you're about to tell me.


	88. New Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon deserves a fucking award for putting up with Merthur.

Arthur : I hate you so much I could rip your clothes off.

Merlin : I hate you so much I could snog you for days.

Arthur : I hate you so much I could shag you right here, right now.

Merlin : I dare you, Arthur Pendragon.

Arthur : Try me, Merlin.

Leon : ( Sitting in between Merlin and Arthur with his face buried in his hands ) I need to find a new job immediately.


	89. Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur finds actions of affection disgusting.

Merlin : ( Kisses Arthur's cheek )

Arthur : What the hell was that ?

Merlin : Affection. 

Arthur : Disgusting.

Merlin : .........

Arthur : .........

Arthur : Do it again.


	90. The Look of Adoration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Uther Knew Merlin was the one for Arthur.

Arthur : Father, how did you know I fancied Merlin ?

Uther Pendragon : You had that look of adoration on your face when you stared at him, one that you often wear when you look at yourself in the mirror.


	91. Arthur's Huge Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin try out something that cute couples do and it ends up with a HUGE problem for Arthur.

Gwen : ( Sitting on Lancelot's lap )

Merlin : ......

Merlin : ( Looking at Arthur ) Why don't we do stuff like that ?

Arthur : ( Pulling Merlin onto his lap ) Happy ?

( A few minutes later )

Merlin : Do you seriously have a boner right now ?

Arthur : You wanted this.


	92. Seven Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Gaius feels like banging his head on the table at Arthur's stupidity

Arthur : ( Sits next to Gaius and sighs deeply )

Gaius : ( Looking up, annoyed ) What is it Sire?

Arthur : Gaius, do you think Merlin likes me ?

Gaius : You've literally been married for the past seven years !!!

Arthur : Yeah but do you think ......


	93. He Said Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Daddy Leon and Mummy Lancelot are tired of all the bullshit by Merthur and decide to end it once and for all.

( Merlin and Arthur in a fight )

Merlin : GO FUCK YOURSELF !!!

Arthur : I'D RATHER FUCK YOU PLEASE !!!

Merlin : ( Confused ) Wh - what ?

Lancelot : ( From the other end of the table, sipping tea ) HE SAID HE'D RATHER FUCK YOU.

Leon : ( From the other side of the room ) AND HE SAID PLEASE TOO.


	94. Arthur's Grammar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur makes a grammatical error and Merlin doesn't let it go.

Arthur : So father and me - 

Merlin : Whoa, whoa, whoa , didn't you mean ' father and I ' ?

Arthur : Oh God.

Merlin : I corrected your grammar ! Are you proud of me ? Are you horrified ? Are you super horny ?


	95. La La La La

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a realization and Merlin as usual makes it his job to annoy Arthur.

Arthur : Don't you realize none of this would have happened if I didn't think at that same moment you were having sex with Gwaine ?

Merlin : All right. Let's say I had slept with Gwaine. Would you have been able to forgive me ?

Arthur : ( Pause ) Yes, I would.

Merlin : You would be okay if you knew Gwaine had kissed me, and had been naked with me, and made love to me ?

Arthur : ( Uncertain ) Yes.

Merlin : If you knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies were - 

Arthur : ( Covers his ears and screams ) La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la


	96. Dinner with the Pendragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon just wants one peaceful meal without the mention of the name 'Merlin'. Is that too much for a tyrannical, magic hating, ruthless king to ask ?

Arthur : Father, I have something to tell you.

Uther Pendragon : What is it ?

Arthur : Well you see, Merlin - 

Uther Pendragon : ( High Pitched Shriek ) NOT AGAIN !!!!

Uther Pendragon : One meal without talking about Merlin, ONE, that's all I'm asking Arthur my dear son, how the hell did I raise you into this ?

Uther Pendragon : All you can ever talk about is Merlin, nothing but Merlin seriously WHY ?

Uther Pendragon : Merlin, Merlin, Merlin, Merlin, Merlin, Merlin. 

Uther Pendragon : Why don't you just fucking marry him ?

Arthur : ..................

Morgana : .................

Merlin : You all realize I'm in the room right ?


	97. Happy Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is happy and Mommy Lancelot just wants one normal morning.

Merlin : Hey, you know what ? I'm happy.

Lancelot : That's wonderful Mer - 

Arthur : Good, because I worked pretty damn hard last night to put that smile on your face.

Merlin : Shut up clotpole.

Lancelot : ( Throws his hands up in the air ) Just one normal morning. That's all I ask.


	98. Incorrect Theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur opposes to the theory that Merlin isn't cute.

Merlin : I suppose I'm not that cute - 

Arthur : Let me stop you right there.

Arthur : ( Takes out a 476892 page essay ) Now let me explain to you why your theory is so incredibly wrong.


	99. Protective Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine being protective over his adorable best friend Merlin.

"I've only had Merlin for a day but if anything happens to him, I will kill everyone in this room and then myself."

\- Gwaine in his first meeting with Merlin.


	100. Three Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a horrible hangover and Merlin wakes his Prince up with three words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow !!! Chapter 100 !!! When I first started I did not expect to come so far !!! Thank you everyone who read this book and took a chance on it !!! Thank you for supporting me by leaving kudos and your lovely comments !!! Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me !!! This is not the end !!!

Merlin : Rise and Shine, lazy daisy !!!

Arthur : ( Groaning with a hangover ) Wwwhhhhyyyyyy ????

Merlin : Shush you. After what I had to deal with last night, the least you can do is get your prattish arse up. 

Arthur : ( Mumbling into a pillow ) Do I want to know ?

Merlin : After I cleaned the pork pie off your face and put you to bed, you said something to me that was pretty dark ..... even for you ......

Arthur : Mmmm. Don't tell me.

Merlin : Okay I won't. ( Pause ) I love you too.


	101. Christmas Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana knows just the right things to brighten up Christmas dinner !!!

Arthur : What are you bringing for Christmas dinner ?

Morgana : My negative attitude and sparkling personality.


	102. What To Do In A Comfortable Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur needs to stop using those god awful pick up lines to flirt with Merlin.

Arthur : What would you do if I got you into my bed ? ( winks at Merlin )

Merlin : Is it comfortable ?

Arthur : Well, yes.

Merlin : I'd sleep.


	103. Hobbies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana has some truly fascinating Hobbies.

Uther Pendragon : What do you call murder, vandalism and sabotage ?

Morgana : Hobbies.

Uther Pendragon : .......

Morgana Pendragon : ....... That I do not engage in.


	104. Politics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur explains the difference between politics and games to innocent Mordred.

Mordred : If a game doesn't have rules, it's not a game is it ?

Arthur : No, it's politics.


	105. Merlin is Vicious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius has a new discovery and Uther refuses to believe it.

Gaius : I mean, small animals are way more vicious. It's because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.

Uther Pendragon : That's ridiculous. Give me one example of this.

Leon : Wasps.

Morgana : Spiders.

Gwen : Chihuahuas.

Arthur : Merlin.


	106. Creating A Diversion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Knights of Camelot need to create a diversion and Sir Gwaine has a few ideas.

Gwaine : What we need is diversion .... I say Merlin gets naked. 

Merlin and Arthur : No !!!

Gwaine : I could get naked.

All the Knights of Camelot : NOOOO !!!!


	107. Sir Gwaine's Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine has a plan.

Gwaine : I have a plan 

Mordred : Is it a good one ?

Gwaine : I have a plan


	108. Funeral Etiquette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is awkward at funerals and Merlin teaches him funeral etiquette.

Gwaine : I never know what to say to people at funerals.

Merlin : Just say I'm sorry for your loss and move on.

( Five minutes later )

Gwaine : I'm sorry for your loss. Move on.


	109. Respect For Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is super proud of Merlin.

Merlin : Why don't you just go fuck yourself Arthur ?

( Gasps fill the room )

Gwaine : Woah !!! Can't believe what I just heard !!! Hey, Merlin, here. This is for you ( Hands a jar of wine and a plate full of food and money ) I got respect for this kid. He's got a lot of fucking balls. Good for you ! Don't take no shit off anybody !!!


	110. Unhealthy Diet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Daddy Leon and Mommy Lancelot are back again, this time trying their very best to take care of Merlin.

Merlin : ( Eating something unhealthy )

Lancelot : They say you're what you eat.

Merlin : I don't remember eating a worthless failure.

Leon : It was just a joke Merlin .....


	111. Have A Guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin wants to know if he is in trouble.

Merlin : Am I in trouble ?

Gaius : Have a guess.

Merlin : No ?

Gaius : Have another guess.


	112. The Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana tries to get Merlin out of the way.

Morgana : You're in the way.

Merlin : I am the way.


	113. Merlin's Allergy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is rude to Merlin and Merlin cries because of his allergies and Gaius is just done with the both of them.

Arthur : That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard !

Merlin : Why don't you just shut up for a second !

Gaius : What is going on here ?

Merlin : He's a jerk ! He is being such a jerk ! That's such an awful thing to say to a human being !

Arthur : Are you crying ?

Merlin : I AM NOT CRYING, OK? I'M JUST ALLERGIC TO JERKS !!!


	114. I Need An Adult.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dynamic of Arthur and Gwaine's friendship.

Arthur : I need an adult

Gwaine : I'm an adult.

Arthur : No you're not.


	115. True Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin won't let Gwaine kill himself.

Gwaine : I think I'm going to kill myself.

Merlin : I'll only allow it if you kill me first.


	116. Rich and Pretty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a solid reasoning for why he is such a clotpole.

Merlin : You're an awful person.

Arthur : Maybe, but I'm rich and pretty so it doesn't really matter.


	117. I Swear It'll Be Funny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine gets into trouble and Arthur demands to know what happened

Arthur : What happened ?

Merlin : All I heard was, 'I swear it'll be funny' and then we were in the dungeons.

Gwaine : ( Laughing in the background )


	118. Stabbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur really should know better than to provoke Morgana.

" What are you going to do, stab me ?"

\- Arthur Pendragon to Morgana Pendragon, shortly before getting stabbed.


	119. The Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana does her best. At Everything. Literally.

( Something blows up )

Mordred : Morgana what did you do ?

Morgana : My best.


	120. Arthur Is Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is cute to Merlin, no matter what.

Merlin with a tired Arthur laying on him : Aww Arthur, you're so cute.

Arthur, mumbling sleepily : I could beat the shit out of you.

Merlin, lovingly : I know.


	121. Merlin's Warnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin warns Arthur all the time but Arthur is too distracted.

Merlin : Well, I did warn you.

Arthur : Yeah.

Merlin : But did you listen ?

Arthur : No. 

Merlin : Are you listening now ?

Arthur : No.

Merlin : Are you staring at my arse ?

Arthur : N - yes.

Merlin : ..........

Arthur : ...........

Merlin : ........

Arthur : It's a nice arse.


	122. Shut Up!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin teases Arthur about his face.

Merlin : Arthur, you've got that face again.

Arthur : What face ?

Merlin : The ' He's hot when he's clever face '

Arthur : This is my normal face.

Merlin : Yes it is.

Arthur : Oh, shut up.

Merlin : Not a chance.


	123. Not As Straight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An insight to what exactly went through Arthur's mind when he met Merlin.

Merlin : Hi, I'm Merlin. And you?

Arthur : Not as straight as I thought, apparently.


	124. Merlin Phase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin goes home for a holiday and comes back.

Merlin : Goes home for a holiday as the same old Merlin, awkward, gangly, lanky and wearing his weird scarves.

( Merlin comes back to Camelot after the holiday )

Arthur : Hello Mer - ( Gasps and heart does flips )

Merlin : Hey Arthur ( Had a growth spurt and is no longer awkward tall but the hot type of tall, his dark hair has grown longer and he has developed a deep, raspy voice and sexy biceps out of nowhere )

Arthur : ( Runs to his chambers to check his hair )


	125. A Good Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merthur describes their idea of a good day.

Will : So which one of you wears the pants in this relationship ?

Arthur : On a good day, neither of us.

Merlin : ( High fives Arthur )


	126. Finally !!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur finally kiss and here are the reactions of all the Merthur shippers in Camelot !!!

Merlin and Arthur : Kiss Finally 

The Knights of Camelot : Screams of Victory 

Kilgarrah : Wipes away a victory tear.

Gwen and Morgana : Smiles that 'I knew it' smile 

Uther and Gaius : Lowkey ships it


	127. Drunk Arthur.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the reason Arthur never goes to the tavern.

Arthur : Come on Leon, I didn't drink that much last night.

Leon : You were flirting with Merlin.

Arthur : So what ? He's my boyfriend.

Leon : You asked him if he was single.

Leon : And cried when he said he wasn't.


	128. Expect the Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Merlin and Arthur, Camelot should always expect the unexpected.

Uther, Gaius, Lancelot, Leon, Gwaine and Gwen bursts into Arthur's chambers : YOU TWO ARE HAVING SEX !!!

Merlin : ( Folding Arthur's clothes )

Arthur : ( Reading a council report )

Merlin : ................

Arthur : ( Looks at Merlin ) Merlin ? Really ? Why didn't you tell me, I would have put my report down.


	129. The Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur isn't scared of anything.

Arthur : Sure is dark in here.

Merlin : ...............

Arthur : I'm not scared or anything. I'm a Pendragon. Pendragons fear nothing.

Merlin : ................

Arthur : I mean, who's scared of the dark these days ? Not me. Not Arthur Pendragon. No, sir.

Merlin : Do you want me to hold your hand ?

Arthur : .............

Arthur : Yes please.


	130. Camelot's Society for Maidens and Men with Gorgeous Hair and Stunning Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin, Morgana and Gwen join forces and play a prank on Arthur, Uther and Gwaine that they will never forget.

Morgana, Merlin and Gwen founding 'Camelot's Society for Maidens and Men with Gorgeous Hair and Stunning Faces' club for the sole purpose of not inviting Arthur Pendragon, Uther Pendragon and Gwaine. 

Arthur and Gwaine would be so annoyed complaining to each other and everyone including Leon and Lancelot and they would discover that Leon and Lancelot are honorary members of the club and get more pissed off. 

Arthur finding out that Merlin has been voted ' the most handsome and gorgeous man in all aspects of beauty to walk the grounds of Camelot' and getting pissed off and snogging the daylights out of Merlin jealous at the thought of anyone else thinking that Merlin is handsome.

Morgana, Merlin and Gwen huddling together and whispering secrets and stopping whenever Arthur, Gwaine or Uther came along just to annoy them.

Uther asking Morgana why he isn't in the club as he is the King of Camelot and Morgana replies sweetly by saying that no man who is almost bald or has married a troll is eligible for a membership in the iconic society.

Uther getting pissed off with the answer and goes to rant to Gaius and finds out that Gaius has been invited to join the club as well.

Uther banning the 'Camelot's Society for Maidens and Men with Gorgeous Hair and Stunning Faces' club with Arthur's and Gwaine's support but somehow the club continues to grow to their annoyance.

Merlin, Morgana and Gwen having the time of their lives making fun of Arthur, Uther and Gwaine whenever they say something pompous and arrogant.

Scenario 1:

Uther : Magic is evil !!!

Morgana : Not as evil as the balding spot on your head, Uther. No wonder Camelot's Society for Maidens and Men with Gorgeous Hair and Stunning Faces didn't invite you to join.

Scenario 2 :

Arthur : Merlin, you are the laziest and stupidest manservant ever !!!

Merlin : Well, I'm the manservant who was voted 'the most handsome and gorgeous man in all aspects of beauty to walk the grounds of Camelot' by the Camelot's Society for Maidens and Men with Gorgeous Hair and Stunning Faces over his master.

Merlin : Oh wait, you weren't voted for because you aren't in the club !!! Hahaha, you, The Crown Prince of Camelot, Arthur Pendragon wasn't even invited to join !!!!

Scenario 3 :

Gwaine : Hey there Gwen, let me help you with that laundry. It must be heavy.

Gwen : Not as heavy as your heart when you realized that you aren't beautiful enough to be included in the Camelot's Society for Maidens and Men with Gorgeous Hair and Stunning Faces.

Basically all three of them trolling Arthur and Uther Pendragon and Gwaine and finally despite of Uther's greatest efforts to stop the society, the society becomes an elite society for young men and women with amazing beauty all over the five kingdoms. 

Princess Elena, Princess Mithian, Gilli, Hunith, and even Princess Vivian joins in but Morgana, Merlin and Gwen makes it their life objective to never let Arthur Pendragon, Uther Pendragon and Gwaine Pendragon join the elite and iconic society.


	131. Morgana Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur can't take it anymore and Morgana knows as always.

Merlin : ( Bending over to pick something off the ground )

Arthur : Please fuck me.

Merlin : What ?

Arthur : I SAID PLEASE FUCK ME, OKAY ? LIKE, RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I CAN'T FUCKING GO ON BEING A BORING, STRAIGHT BOY ANYMORE, AND I WANT YOUR COCK - 

Merlin : ( Blushing furiously ) Okay! Okay ! Just please stop talking Arthur. We're in middle of a banquet.

Morgana : Oh no, do carry on. You've just won me so much of money from Uther.


	132. Heat of the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine finds the solution to chill in the heat of the day.

Gwaine : ( Unbuttoning shirt ) Damn it's hot here.

Percival : I know that but why are you unbuttoning my shirt?


	133. Marry Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin always knows what Arthur needs.

Arthur : Merlin I need the - 

Merlin : ( Hands over the finished written speech )

Arthur : Oh also I didn't have the chance to - 

Merlin : ( Hands Arthur the council reports )

Arthur : Marry me?

Merlin : I took care of that too. We've been married for the last seven years.


	134. Magical Magnetism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a magical magnetism that everyone can't simply resist.

Arthur : Leon, I have a crush. On Merlin.

Leon : Same.

Arthur : ..........

Arthur : What?

Lancelot : Get with the times, Arthur. Everybody has a crush on Merlin.

Morgana : You're a bit late, Arthur. Were you not here for the miraculous growth spurt ? Or those biceps ? Damn, those biceps.

Leon : Like, I'm pretty confident in my sexuality, so I can admit I'd tap that, given the inclination.

Gwaine : Oh yeah, that arse is fine.

Arthur : So what? We're all gay for Merlin ?

Gwen : Merlin is his own sexuality. We are all Merlining for Merlin. We are Merliners. 

Merlin : I've been told I have a magical magnetism.

Arthur : Well fuck.


	135. Reading Latin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is full of surprises

Lancelot : I'm not sure what this sentence means.

Gwaine : "Ignorance is bold and knowledge reserved"

Merlin : You can read Latin ?

Arthur : You can read ?

Gwaine : ............

Gwaine : That's cold Pendragon.


	136. A Normal Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine compliments Merlin and Arthur is a protective boyfriend.

Gwaine : Merlin, you look good today.

Merlin : Thanks, mate.

Arthur : .........

Gwaine : Arthur, no I didn't - 

Arthur : What is that supposed to mean Gwaine? Do you not like how Merlin looked before? Do you like him? Why did you say that? Huh? Huh? HUH?

Gwaine : ............

Merlin : ( Pinches his nose )

Merlin : ( Sigh ) Why can't I have a normal boyfriend ?


	137. The Name of The Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The men of Camelot love playing games and Gwen wants to join in.

Gwen : Hey guys - why are you standing on chairs? Are you playing a game?

Lancelot : Yeah, we're playing the game ' We saw a big spider and don't know where it went '

Gwen : ( scrambles onto a chair )


	138. Patient Log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius tends to many patients and therefore keeps accounts of them. Here's a sneak peek into few of the many patients and injuries he has tended to and healed.

The Physician's Chambers : Patient Log 

Name of the Patient : Pendragon, Arthur.  
Injuries : Concussion and broken arm.  
Cause of injuries : Being pushed into the city fountain.

Name of the Patient : Emrys, Merlin.  
Injuries : Strained bicep.  
Cause of injuries : Pushing the above patient into the city fountain.

Name of the Patient : Greene, Gwaine.  
Injuries : None, complains of a busted gut.  
Cause of injuries : Laughter


	139. Elaborate Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana doesn't need an elaborate ruthless plan to terrify Merlin.

Morgana : I had this elaborate plan to psychologically terrify dear Merlin but turns out I don't have to do anything. Poor thing has anxiety, he'll mentally scar himself for me.

Merlin : Okay first of all, how dare you ?

Merlin : Second of all, you lazy sack of shit.


	140. Kidnapping Merlin's Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin doesn't have a son but the kidnappers think that he does.

Sorcerer : We have your son.

Merlin : I don't have a son.

Sorcerer : Then who just asked for chocolate milk and made us cut the crusts off his ham sandwich ?

Merlin : Oh gods !

Sorcerer : What ?

Merlin : You have Gwaine !!!


	141. A Dedicated Duck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin lists down the people who have the ability to kill him.

Morgana : I could kill you if I wanted to.

Merlin : Yeah? So could any other human being.

Merlin : So could a dog.

Merlin : So could a really DEDICATED DUCK !!!

Merlin : You're not special.


	142. Explanation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine have a solid explanation for the trouble they have caused.

Gaius : How on earth would you lot explain this kind of crude behavior ?

Merlin : I'm going to have to say verbally.

Arthur : Because judging by that tone of voice - 

Gwaine : - You might not be in the mood for the dance performance we've prepared.


	143. Morgana's Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana doesn't smile very often and when she does it's because of something special.

Gwen : You're smiling, did something good happen ?

Morgana : Can't I just smile because I feel like it ?

Merlin : Arthur just tripped and fell down the stairs.


	144. Merlin's Interests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin loves astrology.

Uther Pendragon : So what are your interests, Merlin ?

Merlin : Your son in my room.

Uther Pendragon : What?

Merlin : The sun and the moon. Astrology.


	145. Arthur is Drunk Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur loves Merlin way too much.

Arthur : YOU'RE LOOKING AT MY MAN ?! WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY MAN ?! I'M GONNA KILL YOU !!!! LANCELOT HAND ME MY SWORD !!! LET ME GO I'LL KILL THIS LITTLE SHIT !!!

Merlin : Arthur, that's a tree.


	146. Morgana's Tactics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On this rare occasion Morgana manages to shock and impress Arthur.

Arthur : You lied to me by telling me the truth ?

Morgana : Yes

Arthur : That's very good, may I use that?


	147. Uther and Nimueh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unheard conversation between Uther and Nimueh

Nimueh : Uther Pendragon, you paid me a great insult once !

Uther Pendragon : That doesn't sound like me.


	148. Off Limits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically sums up the first scene in Dragon's Call

Uther Pendragon : Camelot is off limit to sorcerers.

Merlin : I'm terribly sorry. I didn't know.

Merlin : If I see one, I shall inform immediately.


	149. Doing The Right Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred tries to persuade Morgana to do the right thing.

Mordred : There will come a moment when you have the chance to do the right thing.

Morgana : I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.


	150. Destiny is Difficult

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A summary of Merlin's and Kilgarrah's conversation in Dragon's Call

Kilgarrah : Young warlock, please keep an eye on Arthur. He is going to say something wrong to the wrong person and get himself killed.

Merlin : Sure, I'd love to see Arthur get killed.

Kilgarrah : Try again.

Merlin : I will stop Arthur from getting killed.


	151. Just Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin are just friends but everyone can see that they have the potential to become more than that.

Old lady : Such an attractive couple. How long have you been married ?

Arthur : ( Laughs )

Merlin : ( Nervously chuckles ) No, no we're just friends.

Old lady : Big mistake. ( Nods towards Merlin and smiles at Arthur ) He's a catch.


	152. Sisters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana and Gwen are best friends and sisters.

Morgana : I grew up with a brother who I love with all my heart. But deep down, I always wanted a sister.

Gwen : Me too.


	153. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin doesn't want trouble but trouble seems to follow his best friend Gwaine every where.

Merlin : I'm not looking for trouble

Gwaine : What a horrible way to live.


	154. Trying To Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius searches for Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine who are suspiciously missing and finds Mordred instead.

Gaius : Where is Arthur ?

Mordred : Doing stuff.

Gaius : I don't like the sound of that. Where's Merlin ?

Mordred : Trying to stop Arthur from doing stuff.

Gaius : Gwaine ?

Mordred : Trying to stop Merlin from stopping Arthur doing stuff.

Gaius : I see. And what are you doing here, Mordred ?

Mordred : I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Gwaine from stopping Merlin from stopping Arthur doing stuff.


	155. Gwaine Makes A Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine makes a joke and chaos ensues. Also Daddy Leon comes to the rescue.

Gwaine : Hey Arthur, want to hear a joke ?

Arthur : Alright, sure.

Gwaine : Okay, so what do you call a deer with no eyes ?

Arthur : Gwaine, I'm not - 

Gwaine : COME ONNNN !!!

Arthur : ( Sighs ) What do you call a deer with no eyes ?

Gwaine : NO IDEAR 

Arthur : ...........

Leon : Can you two keep it down - wait ARTHUR DON'T BEAT GWAINE WITH THAT BROOMSTICK !!!


	156. That's Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot returns with a deep and meaningful question.

Lancelot : Would you rather be feared or loved ?

Arthur : Obviously loved, then the people would listen without force or intimidation.

Morgana : I would want to be feared ! No one will listen to me otherwise !

Lancelot : What about you Merlin ?

Merlin : ...............

Merlin : ...............

Merlin : I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.


	157. Catch Me !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The adventures of Mommy Lancelot and his lil bean Merlin never really end.

Merlin : If I run and jump at Lancelot, he will most certainly catch me in his arms!

Merlin, running towards Lancelot : Coming in !!!

Lancelot : NO !!! I'M HOLDING HOT TEA - 

Lancelot : (Drops hot tea to catch Merlin in his arms)


	158. Gwaine's Babysitting Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon gives Gwaine the responsibility of babysitting Mordred.

Leon : Gwaine, promise me you won't swear in front of Mordred.

Gwaine : Yeah don't worry

(Gwaine hanging out with Mordred)

Gwaine : Fuck, I dropped the sword

Gwaine : Oh shit, I swore in front of Mordred.

Gwaine : Fuck I did it again

Gwaine : Shit just stop it

Gwaine : Fuck fuck

Gwaine : .............

Mordred : ............

Gwaine : ..............

Mordred : ..........

Gwaine : You are never talking about this with Leon.


	159. Grammar Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur tries to teach the rest of his friends grammar and it goes terribly wrong .... or right?

Gwen : Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy but if I invite you into my cabin in the woods, you're going to die.

Gwaine : My favorite is booty call.

Arthur : That's called a connotation.

Merlin : ( smirking, casting a pointed look towards Arthur ) "Also forgive me father, I have sinned" vs " sorry daddy, I've been naughty."

Arthur : (Choking) Great news! Language is cancelled !!!


	160. Gwaine's Dating Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot fancies Guinevere.

Lancelot : ( Talking about Gwen ) I've never felt this way about anyone

Lancelot : I want to do something for her. 

Lancelot : But what?

Gwaine : Well there's the usual things. Flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep.


	161. Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther really needs parenting lessons

Uther Pendragon : Arthur, look in that mirror.

Uther Pendragon : I see a strong, confident, handsome young man.

Uther Pendragon : ( Looks at Arthur and laughs) Oh look, you're here too.


	162. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin asks Arthur to stay for dinner but Hunith yells out what's really on Merlin's mind.

Merlin : ( Blushing , to Arthur ) Would you like to stay for dinner ?

Hunith : ( Yelling from inside the house ) Would you like to stay forever ?


	163. Magic, Strength and Courage - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic and Strength makes it their mission to save their friend Courage.

( A familiar scream sounds throughout the forest )

Gwaine : That sounded like Arthur. It sounded like - like he was in trouble.

Merlin : ( Annoyed with Arthur ) Yeah? Why doesn't he get his new friends to help him? I don't care. 

Gwaine : ( Grabs Merlin by his collar and starts shaking him) THAAAAAAAT'S IT !!!! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU AND YOUR EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION !!!! ARTHUR NEEDS US, AND WE'RE GOING TO HELP HIM !!!! YOU GOT THAT ???

Gwaine : NOW PIPE DOWN AND HANG ON TIGHT !!!

( Takes Merlin's hand in his own )

Gwaine : ( His eyes narrowed in determination ) We've got a Prince to save.


	164. Magic, Strength and Courage - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic and Strength encounter many obstacles in their mission to save Courage.

( Gwaine and Merlin screaming as they jump off a cliff of a waterfall and fall into the water )

Gwaine : ( Emerging from the water, laughing ) I'VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE !!!!!

Merlin : ( Emerges from the water, coughing ) GOOD !!! BECAUSE I'M GONNA KILL YOU !!!

Gwaine : No time for that now, Merls.

( Takes Merlin's hand and ducks into the water ignoring Merlin's protests and makes their way to the other side )


	165. Magic, Strength and Courage - Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic and Strength rescue Courage in style !

Arthur : ( Struggling to get free of the magical chains that are binding him )

Gwen : Arthur, it's no use, don't !

Arthur : ( Struggles for a few moments but gives up in the end as he sighs ) Morgana.

Gwen : Yes, Morgana. She betrayed us all. I'm so sorry Arthur.

Arthur : No I did this. I should have listened to Merlin when he warned me about her.

( A sudden commotion occurs as the guards outside the cabin yells and screams and starts to fight. In the midst of it all, a familiar voice singing a tavern song can be heard )

Familiar voice : We're devils, we're black sheep, we're really bad eggs! Haha !!! Drink up me hearties !!!

Lancelot : That sounded just like - 

Arthur : Gwaine !

( The door bursts open revealing Gwaine and Merlin who are grinning at Gwen and the Knights of the Round Table who are bound tightly by Morgana's magical chains)

Arthur : Thanks guys !

(Merlin magicks Arthur's magical ropes loose and not a second after that Merlin flings himself on Arthur, hugging him tightly and sobbing dramatically )

Merlin : Ohhhhh I thought I would never see you again !!! Oh - 

Gwaine : ( Separates Merlin from Arthur, letting Arthur breathe and looks at Merlin fondly ) Sometimes you embarrass me.


	166. In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Arthur wonders why he fell in love with Merlin.

Merlin : ( Says something dumb)

Arthur : Remind me again why I'm so in love with you?

Merlin : ( Smiles )

Arthur : Ah, of course.


	167. Merlin's Butt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin thinks he is dreaming and Gwaine is here to help.

Merlin : Maybe I'm dreaming. 

Merlin : ( To Gwaine ) Pinch me.

Gwaine : (Pinches Merlin)

Merlin : Not in the butt!

Gwaine : Sorry it was right there.


	168. Commitment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot talks to Merlin about his commitment issues.

Lancelot : ( To Merlin ) You're afraid to make a commitment

Merlin: I'm not afraid to make a com - I've been with Arthur for fifteen years!

Arthur : They've been good years.

Merlin : I've worked really hard on them.

Arthur : Hey, it takes two !

Lancelot : Stop it !


	169. Merlin Frowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is frowning but does Arthur care?

( Merlin sulking at Arthur )

Arthur : It's not that I don't see your frown. It's just that I don't care enough to ask why it's there.


	170. Arthur's Definition of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Uther are back !!!

Uther Pendragon : Arthur this is just a banquet.

Arthur : And hell is just a sauna.


	171. Merlin is Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and Merlin talk about how cool Merlin is.

Gwen : You're like the coolest person I've ever met and you don't even have to try.

Merlin : I try really hard actually.


	172. How Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have changed for Arthur when he regains consciousness.

Arthur : ( Regains consciousness and looks at Merlin while groaning ) You had one job to do !

Merlin : You mean , look after the babies ?

Arthur : ( Sits up straight and looks at Merlin and then the Knights ) What ? How long was I out?


	173. The Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The adventures of Daddy Leon are back with Gwaine the Mischievous.

Leon : Do you have the key ?

Gwaine : No, I'm just gonna say 'OPEN SESAME!!!'

Gwaine : Of course I have the key!


	174. Kick or Save

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin truly are two sides of the same coin.

Arthur : If you all could excuse me I'm gonna go over there and maybe, I don't know, kick a tree.

( Arthur gets up and leaves )

Merlin : ( Gets up and smiles at everybody ) If you all could excuse me, I'm gonna go over there and uh maybe save a tree.


	175. Hello Morgana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin catches up with Morgana.

Merlin : Hello Morgana. Make anyone cry today?

Morgana : Sadly no. But it's only 4.30.


	176. The Prophecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kilgarrah predicts a depressing prophecy about Merlin's future and Gaius is taking none of that shit.

Gaius : What's gotten into you today?

Arthur : We just met the dragon under the castle and - 

Gaius : Ah of course. Tell me which of you will be dying this year?

Merlin : Me.

Gaius : Kilgarrah has predicted the death of a citizen each year. None of them has died yet.

Gaius : You look in excellent health to me, Merlin, so I won't let you off your chores today.

Gaius : I assure you that if you died you need not do it anymore.


	177. Wrong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot deals with Gwaine who got himself into a bar fight.

Lancelot : I thought you said you'd never get into a bar fight again!

Gwaine : Lance, you should know by now, I'm absolutely wrong about everything.


	178. BOOM!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther tries his best to be a good parent to Arthur and Morgana.

(Arthur and Morgana caught sneaking around by Uther Pendragon)

Uther Pendragon : What do you have to say for yourselves? 

Morgana : .............

Morgana : Uther Pendragon, what do you think you are doing out this late? 

Uther Pendragon : ( speechless )

Arthur : We were worried sick! You could have been dying! 

Uther Pendragon : The palace is the safest place in Camelot 

Morgana : That's what they said about Pompeii. You know what happened? 

Arthur and Morgana : BOOM!!!


	179. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is a honest man.

Arthur : You actually were telling the truth.

Gwaine : I do that quite a lot yet people are always so surprised.


	180. The Meaning of Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin teaches a idiotic bandit what the meaning of pain truly is.

A bandit : ( Threatening Arthur ) I'll teach you the meaning of pain !

Merlin : ( Hitting the bandit with a pole from behind )

Merlin : You like pain ?

Merlin : Try being a manservant for Arthur Pratdragon.


	181. Gwaine's Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine confesses his true purpose of coming to Camelot to Uther and Arthur.

Arthur : What's your purpose in Camelot ? 

Uther Pendragon : And no lies.

Gwaine : Alright then, I confess. It is my intention to pick up a crew in Camelot, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weaselly black guts out.

Uther Pendragon : I said no lies !

Arthur : I think he's telling the truth.

Uther Pendragon : If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us!

Gwaine : Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.


	182. Beautiful Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur loves compliments.

Merlin : Oh aren't you a beautiful boy !

Arthur : (Pleased) Thanks!

Arthur : I've been experimenting with back - combing.

Arthur : ( Sees Merlin petting and cooing over a cat ) 

Arthur : ( Annoyed ) Oh.


	183. Brain Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon and Mommy Lancelot help deliver Gwaine's baby.

Lancelot : Oooh, Gwaine's wheels are turning. Your brain baby is crowning.

Leon : Lance, please, that's disgusting.

Gwaine : No, it's helping, I am having a brain baby.

Leon : Then push, man, push !!!

Lancelot : Breathe.

Leon : You can do this, you are so strong.


	184. Meeting God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin meets God and shares his experience with Morgana.

Merlin : I was legally dead for two full minutes. And I met God.

Morgana : Tight. What does she look like?

Merlin : Ethically Ambiguous.


	185. Pride and Joy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther loves his children in different ways.

Morgana : 'Pride and Joy'. Remember? What father called us?

Arthur : Yes.

Arthur : Arthur is my pride and Morgana is my joy.


	186. Imagination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur defines the meaning of imagination.

Gwen : What do you call it when Morgana's crush likes her back ?

Arthur : Imagination.


	187. Smile!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly Morgana has a beautiful smile but the boys like to give her a hard time about it.

Morgana : What do you want me to do ?

Merlin : Smile

Morgana : ( Smiles )

Arthur : Oh crap, that's terrifying !

Merlin : We're here to cheer up Gwen not to kill her.


	188. Empty Head.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur knows what's inside Gwaine's head.

Arthur : Gwaine, your head is mostly empty.

Gwaine : Urgh ?

Arthur : Exactly.


	189. Uther's Slumber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther never has a good night's sleep, thanks to his children.

Arthur : Did you know that when baby tarantulas are born, they eat their fathers?

Morgana : How fascinating.

Uther Pendragon : ( Sleeps with both eyes open )


	190. Magic Reveal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the magic reveal should have gone.

( After discovering that Merlin is born with magic )

Gwaine : Of course we're not going to have your head chopped off.

Gwen : Why on earth would you think that, Merlin ?

Merlin : Because magic is illegal in Camelot !

Merlin : And because - because I'm a monster.

Arthur : You're being dramatic. Do fold my shirts, Merlin. Forgive me if I'm not trembling at the sight of you.


	191. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is a true friend to Arthur.

Arthur : I think I need to be alone right now.

( Later )

Arthur : Thanks for being alone with me Merlin.


	192. Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Lancelot have a very important discussion.

Lancelot : Isn't it weird for you ? That I'm courting Guinevere ?

Arthur : Not at all. I can tell when two people are meant to be together. Like Guinevere and you.

Lancelot : Look at you being all mature.

Arthur : And Merlin and me.

Lancelot : Look at you being all irrational.

Arthur : No, it's true. I've been hanging out with him lately and I think something's changed.

Lancelot : Yeah, he doesn't seem to want you dead so much anymore.


	193. Only One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur meets evil Morgana but their intense introductions are ruined by the cutest warlock in the world.

Morgana : Arthur

Arthur : Morgana 

Merlin : Merlin

Arthur : Okay, you just said your own name.

Merlin : It was the only one left.


	194. Get Laid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur gives advice to Gwaine and it backfires on him.

Gwaine : I'm going out

Arthur : Don't do anything that I don't do.

Gwaine : Like what? Get laid ?

( Later )

Merlin : ( To Gwaine ) Why is Arthur sobbing on the bedroom floor?


	195. Boyfriend Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin complains about his boyfriend to Gwen.

Merlin : (To Gwen ) My boyfriend is an idiot.

Arthur : ( Sitting right beside Merlin ) I am your boyfriend.

Merlin : I know.


	196. Arthur Deserved That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Gwaine's brotherly banter.

Gwaine : I'm so sorry for all the stuff I said.

Arthur : And for punching me in the face right?

Gwaine : No, you definitely deserved that.


	197. Dedication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoever said Gwaine didn't know the meaning of dedication is wrong.

Arthur : Gwaine did what?

Gaius : I wouldn't let him see Merlin as he was still resting from last night and I told him that unless he was injured he wasn't allowed to stay.

Gaius : So he punched himself in the face and told me he was injured.

Leon : Well .... you have to admire his dedication.


	198. Merlin Needs Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot returns and this time he is very worried about Merlin.

Merlin : I want to die.

Lancelot : ( startled ) What?

Merlin : Temporarily, of course.

Gwen : He means sleep.

Lancelot : .............


	199. IDGAF

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin becomes a moody, exhausted, 'IDGAF' teenager and Daddy Leon tries to deal with him

Merlin : I'm 80% exhaustion, 10% sarcasm, and 20% don't care.

Leon : That's 110%

Merlin : 20% of me doesn't care.


	200. Arthur is Always Nice To Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People do crazy things when they are in love and it's no different when it comes to Arthur.

Morgana : Why are you being so nice to Merlin ?

Arthur : Because I'm a good person, a beautiful ray of sunshine, and I'm just nice to everyone.

Morgana : ( Raising one eyebrow disbelievingly )

Arthur : Yeah, okay, fine I'm in love with him.


	201. Army of Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Morgana doesn't believe in the good in her but Gwen knows who her friend truly is.

Morgana : Honestly, I'm just so evil. So full of darkness. 

Morgana : I feed of the souls of the living. I strike fear into - 

Gwen : You sleep with a stuffed giraffe.

Morgana : he is my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS !!!!


	202. Merlin's World.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a reputation but Merlin seems to always have a way of ruining it.

Merlin : I bet I could fit the whole world in my hands !

Arthur : Merlin. that's physically impossible.

Merlin : ( Takes Arthur's face in his hands )

Merlin : Are you sure ?

Arthur : ( Blushing ) Stop it, I have a reputation.


	203. The Riddle of Seven Chairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon and Mommy Lancelot faces a massive problem and turns to their friends for help.

Leon : There's seven chairs and ten kids 

Lancelot : What do we do ?

Arthur : Have everyone stand.

Merlin : Bring three more chairs.

Gwaine : The best of the seven can sit down.

Morgana : Kill three.


	204. Best Way To Deal With Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon sucks at parenting and Gaius as always tries his best to help his friend.

Gaius : Talk to him, that's what parents do.

Uther Pendragon : Nope. I'm gonna wait until I'm on my deathbed, get in the last word and die immediately.

Gaius : That's your plan for dealing with this?

Uther Pendragon : That's my plan for dealing with everything

Uther Pendragon : I have seventy seven arguments I'm gonna win that way.


	205. Silence and Depressing Poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Morgana do really get on very well.

Morgana : I don't want to talk about it.

Merlin : Do you want me to sit here and brood in silence with you ?

Morgana : ....................

Merlin : ........................

Morgana : Do you have depressing poetry ?

Merlin : ( Pulls out a huge book out of his bag ) 

Merlin : Of course.


	206. Fight Me !!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin doesn't really know how many people are protective of him.

Merlin : Fight Me !!!

Arthur, Gwaine, Morgana, Lancelot, Leon, Gaius : ( Quietly from where Merlin can't see them ) Do not touch our sweet cinnamon bun if you want to see the light of the day ever again!


	207. Waking Up Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up Arthur isn't easy as it looks.

Merlin : ( cheerful and bright ) Get up!!! It's morning, the sun is out !!!

Arthur : ( sleepily and grumpily ) And what am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Gaius : ( Yells from another room ) The term is photosynthesize.


	208. Gwen Wants A Bunk Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen is a oblivious cutie and Lancelot, Arthur and Merlin protect her from Gwaine's dirty mind.

Gwen : Why are people always fighting over top or bottom?

Gwen : I would be lucky just to have a bunk bed. 

Merlin : ................

Gwaine : ...............

Lancelot : .................

Arthur : .......................

Gwaine : I'm going to tell her.

Lancelot, Arthur and Merlin : DON'T YOU DARE !!!!


	209. Water.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has the sassiest remarks and Gwaine is just the most supportive best friend.

Merlin : ( To Arthur ) For someone who is 70% water, you don't look very refreshing.

Gwaine : BUUUUUURRNNNNN !!!!!!!!!!!

Gaius : Water cannot be burned.

Gwaine : EVAAAAAPOOORAAATTTEEEE !!!!!


	210. How to Encourage Your Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur try to motivate Mommy Lancelot with the help of Gwaine.

Merlin : Lance, you have a lot to offer Guinevere.

Merlin : You're funny, you're smart - 

Arthur : You're brave, you've got style - 

Gwaine : ................

Gwaine : Oh did you want me to say something ?

Gwaine : You have brown hair, your name is Lancelot.

Lancelot : Thanks, Gwaine.


	211. Morgana's Hotness Levels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shall Alvarr compare Morgana to the sun in a summer's day ?

Alvarr : You remind me of the sun.

Alvarr : Because you are pretty hot.

Morgana : Oh I thought it was because if you come too close to me I will kill you.

Morgana : Both are true.


	212. Arthur's Pick Up Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur uses pick up lines and it ends up in a total disaster.

Arthur : Is your dad a baker? Because your ass is a bun - 

Arthur : I mean, you've got a nice bun.

Arthur : Or was the line "you have a sweet bun?"

Merlin : ....................

Arthur : ........ can I try again ?

Merlin ( Glares at Arthur with tear filled eyes )

Merlin : My dad is dead, you insensitive prat.

Arthur : Oh. 

Arthur : My condolences.

Merlin : ( Walks away from Arthur )

Arthur : Oh come on Merlin, don't walk away from me.

Gwaine : ( Sipping wine ) That did not go well.


	213. Types of Idiocy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is tired of Uther's shit.

Uther : I assume you realize this type of idiocy will not be tolerated in my kingdom.

Merlin : Is there another type of idiocy you would be more comfortable with ?


	214. Rule The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason why Arthur needs Merlin by his side.

Arthur : I'll rule the world !!!

Merlin : ( Breathes )

Arthur : And you'll be by my side.

Merlin : Why ?

Arthur : You're too precious, I have to protect you.


	215. The Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Morgana use Merlin as a distraction.

Merlin : You know, I used to be normal before.

Gwaine : ( Consolingly ) I know, Merlin, I know.

Gwaine : Now go distract Uther, Arthur and Gaius while Morgana and I paint Uther's and Arthur's rooms in pink.


	216. Hunith Needs The Deets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunith gets to know about her son courting the Royal Prince of Camelot and asks Merlin a very important question.

Hunith : Merlin, so it's true ? You're courting the Prince of Camelot, Arthur Pendragon ?

Merlin : Yes, I was going to tell you but - 

Hunith : How much ?

Merlin : How much what?

Hunith : How much does he pay you for both of you to be together ?

Merlin : ....... nothing.

Hunith : ..............

Merlin : ..............

Hunith : So you're sleeping with the famous Pendragon Prince for nothing ?

Merlin : ( Nods )

Hunith : IN THIS ECONOMY !? MERLIN I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER !!!!!


	217. Caterpillar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin wants to be a caterpillar and Gwen is concerned about her friend.

Merlin : I want to be like a caterpillar 

Gwen : Explain.

Merlin : Eat a lot. Sleep a while. Wake up beautiful.

Gwen : You know they have a life span of about a week right?

Merlin : That's just another highlight


	218. Spiders and Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin isn't the worst manservant ever.

Merlin : Don't go to your chambers !

Arthur : Why not?

Merlin : I saw a spider in there.

Arthur : Why didn't you kill it?

Merlin : It has eight arms and I have two ! How is that fair?


	219. Poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot is back and this time he is worried about Merlin and Morgana's mental health.

Morgana : How do I politely tell someone I want to hit their face with a brick several times ?

Merlin : One wishes to acquaint your facial structure with a rigidly edged object fundamentally used in the construction of walls repeatedly.

Morgana : Wow.

Morgana : Merlin ..... That was poetry.

Lancelot : That was a cry for therapy from both of you.


	220. Story of Merlin's Life.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's it. That's the whole show.

Gaius : What. Did. You. Do ?

Merlin : Alright, but you can't get mad at me.

Gaius : What. Did. You. Do ?

Merlin : Okay, first of all, I was minding my own business - 

Gaius : ( Slams hand on the table ) BULLSHIT !!!

Merlin : I WAS !!!


	221. Guinevere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guinevere is the sweetest angel.

Leon : ( All tough and aggressive ) Alright listen up you little shits

Leon : ( Looks at Gwen and smiles fondly )

Leon : Not you Gwen.

Leon : You're an angel and we're thrilled to have you here.


	222. A Rabbit On Mead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's basically the summary of the show.

Gaius : Merlin, why are you being so uptight lately ?

Merlin : ( Takes a deep breath and slams his fist on the table )

Merlin : OH I DON'T KNOW GAIUS !!!! 

Merlin : MAYBE THE FACT THAT THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING SEEMS TO WANT TO HAVE NO FUTURE BY ALWAYS WANTING TO FUCKING DIE !!!

Gaius : Merlin, he is the Prince, he is learning, let him be curious - 

Merlin : PROTECT ARTHUR PENDRAGON, THAT BLOODY KILGARRAH SAID IT'LL BE FUN HE SAID !!!!

Gaius : Merlin please - 

Merlin : GAIUS, HE HAS THE SURVIVAL INSTINCTS OF A RABBIT ON MEAD !!!!


	223. Merlin's Diary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine fancies Merlin and turns to Gwen for help.

Gwen : Don't worry, he likes your gorgeous butt and your fancy hair. 

Gwen : I know, I read his diary.

Gwaine : He thinks my butt is gorgeous ?

Merlin : You read my diary ?

Gwen : At first, I didn't know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad, handwritten book.


	224. Girl Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and Morgana have their usual girl talks.

Gwen : This one is different.

Gwen : Lancelot is honest and sweet and wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

Morgana : ( In disbelief ) HE'S A GUY !!!


	225. The Ancestors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther has a rather traditional mindset and Morgana is tired of it.

Uther Pendragon : I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

Morgana : How lucky can they be ? They're dead !!!


	226. Arthur's Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Morgana are lucky enough to be witnesses to Arthur's epic failure and they just can't let it go.

Arthur : You're beautiful.

Mithian : Thank you. But what else ?

Arthur : What else ?

Mithian : Is beauty all that matters to you ?

Arthur : What else is there ?

Arthur : ( Gets slapped by Princess Mithian )

( Later )

Merlin : ( Nursing Arthur's bruised cheek while smirking ) Arthur, you should write a book

Morgana : ( Giving Arthur a thumbs down ) How To Offend Women In Five Syllables or Less.


	227. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin isn't in trouble.

( The whole of Camelot hears Arthur roaring Merlin's name in the hours of the early morning )

Lancelot : ( Grinning ) Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we, Merlin ?

Merlin : ( Smiling cheekily ) Trouble ? No way. You're only in trouble if you get caught.

Merlin : ( Turns around to see Arthur fuming behind him )

Arthur : Gotcha 

Merlin : I'm in trouble.


	228. No Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the ways Uther Pendragon tries to be a good parent is by grounding Arthur but grounding Arthur proves to be more difficult than he thought.

Uther Pendragon : I have to ground you. I am grounding you. You are grounded.

Arthur : But what about my duties as the Crown Prince ?

Uther Pendragon : Okay fine, other than the duties. And no horse.

Arthur : My horse is sick. 

Uther Pendragon : Then no going outside.

Arthur : But I need to go outside to train the knights.

Uther Pendragon : Then - uh - no - um - no ( suddenly gets a brilliant idea ) 

Uther Pendragon : No Merlin !

Arthur : What ? No Merlin ?!

Uther Pendragon : NO MERLIN !!!!


	229. Yes and No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon catches his children Arthur and Morgana creating trouble as usual.

Uther Pendragon : Did you really think you could get away with this ?

Morgana : Yes.

( Arthur shoves Morgana )

Morgana : I mean, NO OF COURSE NOT, WHY WOULD I THINK THAT ?


	230. Who Does Arthur Fancy ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin wants to know who Arthur fancies.

Merlin : Arthur? Who are you crushing on?

Arthur : No one, really.

Merlin : Oh c'mon. Everyone fancies someone.

Arthur : Not me.

Merlin : Who's your crush, Arthur ?

Arthur : Merlin, I don't like anyone !

Merlin : Oh stop being silly, clotpole ! You've got to like someone!

Arthur : I don't.

Merlin : Who do you fancy ?

Arthur : How many times are you going to ask me that question ?

Merlin : As many times as it takes for you to say my name.


	231. Shut It Gwaine !

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine likes to tease Merlin about his massive crush on a certain golden haired Prince.

Gwaine : ( Smirking at the sight of Merlin talking with Arthur )

( Arthur walks away from Merlin and then Merlin sees Gwaine )

Merlin : ( Glares ) Shut it Gwaine !

Gwaine : I didn't say anything.

Merlin : No, but you have that look.

Gwaine : Mmmm? And what look is that ?

Merlin : That "I'm Gwaine and I think I know everything" look.

Gwaine : Do I ?

Merlin : ( Glaring intensifies )

Gwaine : ( Smirking intensifies )


	232. I Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes three words can impact a person in a great way.

Arthur : I hate you !!!

Merlin : Well, I hate you too !!!

Arthur : ..............

Merlin : ...............

Arthur : ( Sobbing ) You what ?


	233. Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accidents happen. Especially when Gwaine is around Merlin.

Merlin : Is that your hand on my ass ?

Gwaine : It was an accident

Merlin : Gwaine, your hand's still on my ass.

Gwaine : It's still an accident.


	234. Prove It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Morgana tries to coax Arthur to admit his true feelings for Merlin.

Gwaine : C'mon Arthur, just admit that you fancy Merlin and give the bloke a break.

Arthur : Of course I fancy him Gwaine, but that's not - I mean - Oh for the love - 

Arthur : ...............

Morgana : ............

Gwaine : ..................

The Knights of the Round Table : .....................

The Kingdom of Camelot : .....................

Morgana : Arthur - did you just admit - 

Arthur : I mean ..... NO !!! AND YOU CAN'T PROVE IT !!!


	235. Worst Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur thinks it's the worst idea Gwaine's had. But Gwaine corrects Arthur.

Arthur : This is literally the worst idea you've ever had.

Gwaine : So far.

Arthur : Excuse me?

Gwaine : It's the worst idea I've ever had, so far.

Arthur : That doesn't improve the situation at all.


	236. A Radiant Bride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot and Guinevere have a disagreement and Gwaine gets dragged into it.

Gwen : You don't think I can fight because I am a girl.

Lancelot : I don't think you can fight because you're wearing a wedding dress.

Lancelot : For what it's worth, I don't think Gwaine could fight in that dress either.

Gwaine : Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.


	237. Similar Interests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon just wants a steady and strong alliance for the kingdom in the form of marriage.

Uther Pendragon : Did you even look at the girl I asked you to talk at the celebrations last week ?

Arthur : Yes, father. We share similar interests. We've in fact become close friends.

Uther Pendragon : I'm glad you are progressing ultimately.

Arthur : Me too. At last, I've found someone who'd listen to me bitching about my boyfriend without judging me.


	238. Prettiest Person In The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot tries to woo Gwen but Gwaine messes it up.

Lancelot : So how's the prettiest person in the world doing today ?

Gwen : ( Smiling sweetly ) I don't know, how are yo - 

Gwaine : ( From across the room ) I'm doing great thanks !!!


	239. Challenge Accepted !!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine get into create trouble again and Arthur is not sure how he should feel.

Arthur : You know what ? Forget it, I'm not even shocked anymore.

Merlin : Oh, that's no fun.

Arthur : This has become the norm for the two of you.

Gwaine : We'll have to try harder the next time.

Arthur : Please don't.

Merlin : I feel like we've been issued a challenge.

Gwaine and Merlin : CHALLENGE ACCEPTED !!!


	240. Different Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically how Merlin felt after he performed magic properly for the first time in Camelot.

( Merlin, after performing magic for the first time in Camelot. )

Merlin : ( In excitement ) I can't believe I did this !!!

Merlin : ............ I can't believe I did this.

Merlin : I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THIS !!!

Merlin : ( Worried ) Mother would be so furious. Well, that's okay! I mean, what she doesn't know won't kill her right ?

Merlin : ( Rocking around on the floor ) Oh my gosh !!!!! ........ This would kill her !!! I am a horrible son. I am going back.

Merlin : ( Cartwheeling ) I AM NEVER GOING BACK !!!!

Merlin : ( Face down on the bed ) I am a despicable human being.

Merlin : ( Jumping up and down the bed happily ) WOOOOO - HOOOOO !!!!! BEST. DAY. EVER !!!!


	241. The Definition of Lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon and Morgana have different viewpoints when it comes to lying.

Uther Pendragon : You said you had nothing to do with the sudden escape of that sorcerer from my dungeons. Are you lying to me ?

Morgana : That depends on how you define lying.

Uther Pendragon : Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it ?

Morgana : Reclining your body in a horizontal position. 

Uther Pendragon : ..........................

Morgana : .........................

Uther Pendragon : Get out.

Morgana : Absolutely.


	242. Arthur Gets Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is sick but that doesn't stop Merlin from annoying him.

Arthur : I'm sick

Merlin : Tragic.

Arthur : I need to stay in bed all day. 

Merlin : Have fun.

Arthur : I need some company.

Merlin : I'll go get Morgana.

Arthur : I need kisses to make me feel better.

Merlin : I'm sure Gwen won't mind.

Arthur : I need a hug.

Merlin : Oh, then Lancelot !

Arthur : ( Impatiently ) I NEED SOMETHING TO DO !!!

Merlin : ............

Arthur : .............

Merlin : ( Grinning cheekily ) Do me.


	243. Responsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a positive attitude towards everything.

" I could get killed. Or even worse, Gaius might give me a lecture on responsibility again. "

\- Merlin


	244. Camelot's Prettiest Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur's fine. He really is.

Arthur : So how is Camelot's prettiest boy doing today ?

Merlin : ( Not looking up from polishing the armor ) I don't know, how are you ?

Arthur : .................

Arthur : ( Voice cracking ) I'm fine.


	245. Gwaine's Ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin plays a little prank on Gwaine.

Arthur : Gwaine, why are you still here ? I dismissed the council ten minutes ago.

Gwaine : Arthur, I'm contemplating what life really means, you know. I'm wondering whether we really have a purpose.

Arthur : ..............

Gwaine : ..............

Gwaine : Plus, Merlin glued my ass to the chair.


	246. Merlin's Fashion Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin helps Arthur choose his latest look.

Arthur : ( Looking around in his wardrobe )

Arthur : What should I change into ?

Merlin : A better person.


	247. Not My Type Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin tells something to Gwaine that will change Gwaine's life drastically.

Merlin : ( To Gwaine ) I had a crush on you, you're handsome. But you're not my type.

( Merlin walks away and kisses Arthur )

Gwaine : ( Turns to Gwen who is trying her best not to laugh )

Gwaine : ....... What does he mean I'm not his type ?

Leon : Gwaine, please.

Gwaine : I AM GWAINE I AM EVERYONE'S TYPE !!!

( Gwen losing her shit in the background and Leon and Lancelot trying their best to calm down a hysterical Gwaine )


	248. Not My Type Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine feels really hurt and when he is hurt his"'extra sassier - than - usual' drama kween" comes out.

Merlin : Hey Gwaine !

Gwaine : Oh, are you talking to me ?

Merlin : Yeah why ?

Gwaine : Nothing, nothing, I just thought you talked to people who are more 

Gwaine : You know 

Gwaine : YOUR TYPE !!!!

Merlin : STOP THIS !!!!

( Arthur and Morgana laughing in the background )


	249. Not My Type Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine doesn't let it go so easily

Gwaine : Hey Merlin, what do you want for Christmas ?

Merlin : I don't mind, just get me anything.

Gwaine : No, no I need you to tell me right here, right now just in case, y'know I buy you something and IT ISN'T YOUR TYPE !!!

Merlin : OH MY GOD 

( Leon and Lancelot shaking their heads and muttering prayers to the Gods above )


	250. Not My Type Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is convinced that Gwaine is slowly losing his mind.

Gwaine : ( Banging on Merlin's chamber doors in the middle of the night )

Gwaine : wHAT Do YOU MEAN I'M NOT YOUR TYPE ???

Merlin : DAMMIT GWAINE THAT WAS MONTHS AGO.

( Gaius drags a complaining Gwaine by his ear out of the chambers )


	251. Not My Type Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin tells everyone his best joke.

Leon : Merlin, tell us your best joke.

Merlin : No.

Lancelot : Please ?

Merlin : No.

Gwen : Pretty please ?

Merlin : .... Fine. 

Merlin : ( Looks at Gwaine )

Merlin : ..............

Merlin : You're my type.

( Everyone in the kingdom starts to lose their shit )


	252. Not My Type Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is reaching the limits of his patience.

Gwaine : ( To Merlin ) So how are things, you know, with Arthur

Gwaine : Arthur Pendragon.

Gwaine : The one that's your type.

( Merlin closes his eyes and wills himself not to punch his best friend in the face )


	253. Not My Type Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine finally comes to a satisfying and sweet conclusion.

Gwaine : ( Sees Arthur and Merlin together )

Leon, Lancelot, Gwen, Morgana, Gaius : ( Prepares themselves to hear another rant about types )

Gwaine : You know, I may not be Merlin's type but Merlin is happy. And that makes me happy.

( Leon, Lancelot, Gwen, Morgana, Gaius stares at Gwaine dumbfounded )


	254. Gwaine Almost Died !!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine almost died and somehow it's Arthur's fault.

Gwaine : MERLIN !!! I was beginning to think I'd never see you again. I almost forgot what your face looked like.

Merlin : ( Laughing ) It's been twelve minutes, Gwaine.

Gwaine : ( Clinging to Merlin in a bone crushing hug ) 

Gwaine : Just don't leave me alone again ! I almost died !

Merlin : Almost died ? What are you talking about ?

Gwaine : (Death glares and points at Arthur )

Arthur : Oh please. I made him look over a council report for three minutes !!!


	255. The Only One Arthur Trusts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon is back and as always he gets stuck babysitting Merthur and putting up with their antics.

Arthur : ( Angrily worked up and pacing around the room ) Kiss my delectable behind !!! You can trust no one, and nothing ever !!!!

Merlin : ( Feigns offence ) But Arthur, what about me ?

Arthur : Except you, love. ( Winks ) Don't worry.

Merlin : ( Dramatically leaps off a chair ) Oh, darling !!!

Arthur : ( Gets down on one knee ) Oh, buttercup !!!

Leon : Oh for the love of Camelot !!!

Arthur : Why, yes. Well done, Leon. Spot on. I do believe that Camelot would approve.

Merlin : Camelot's love, indeed.


	256. Good Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has the most unconventional and unsettling way of wishing good night.

Leon : Good night 

Arthur : Sleep tight

Lancelot : Swee -

Merlin : Don't let the bedbugs crawl into your ears and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself.

Leon, Lancelot and Arthur : Merlin what the fuck ?


	257. Totally Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen just can't stand by and watch Merlin be oblivious anymore. So as a good friend, it is her duty to intervene.

Gwen : If you fancy Arthur, why don't you just ask him out ?

Merlin : First of all, let's just get our facts straight.

Merlin : I do not fancy Arthur Pendragon, I merely tolerate him.

Gwen : No, you're right. It's totally normal to talk this much about someone you tolerate.

Merlin : ( Sticks his tongue out childishly at Gwen )

Gwen : ( Smirks knowingly at Merlin )


	258. Live To Disappoint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin should be sleeping but ......

Lancelot : Aren't you supposed to be asleep ?

Merlin : I'm supposed to be a lot of things but I live to disappoint.


	259. Arthur Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon and Mommy Lancelot returns to resolve a dispute between Arthur and Gwaine.

Gwaine : I'm so sick of Arthur. He thinks he is better than everyone else.

Lancelot : I'm sure he doesn't actually think that. Right, Arthur ?

Arthur : I don't think I'm better than everyone else.

Leon : See, Gwaine, there is no need to figh - 

Arthur : I know I'm better than everyone else.

Leon and Lancelot : ( Facepalms )


	260. Marriage !!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther and Arthur have very different views on marriage and Morgana as always has Arthur's back.

Uther Pendragon : You're a Prince and you're going to marry a princess.

Arthur : Now, father, you're living in the past. This is the medieval era.

Morgana : Yeah Uther, wake up and smell the plague !!!


	261. Trust You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin makes a decision to trust Gwaine.

Merlin : So I have made a decision to trust you.

Gwaine : A horrible decision, really.


	262. It's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evil Morgana finally gets her chance to kill Arthur Pendragon.

Morgana : It's over, Arthur Pendragon !!!

Morgana : I have dreamed of nothing else for years.

Gwaine : Boy, does she need a hobby.


	263. Criminal Record

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana speaks out and clears misconceptions about her criminal record.

Morgana : My criminal record ? The only illegal thing I've done is absolutely KILLIN' it on the dance floor.

Morgana : Haha ! Just kidding !!!

Morgana : I have killed people.


	264. Bitchin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin wants Arthur to change a little something about himself but Arthur refuses to do so.

Merlin : Seriously, all you do is bitch.

Arthur : I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation.


	265. Being A Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur uses a particular insult on Merlin and Gwaine is fed up with Arthur's bullshit.

Arthur : You're such a girl, Merlin.

Gwaine : What's wrong with being a girl ?

Arthur : You know what I mea -

Gwaine : No I don't. Why did you say it ?

Arthur : I just meant - 

Gwaine : Do you really think so little of women ?

Arthur : GWAINE I DIDN'T MEA - 

Gwaine : WHAT WOULD GWEN SAY ? HUH? WHAT WOULD MORGANA SAY ? 

Gwaine : OH MY GOD ARTHUR ! WHAT WOULD YOU MOTHER SAY? YOUR MOTHER DIDN'T DIE TO SEE HER ONLY SON INSULTING WOMEN !!! MAKE HER SACRIFICE WORTHWHILE, PENDRAGON !!!


	266. Where Did Merlin Learn To Swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has some colourful words in his vocabulary and Gwaine is not pleased.

Merlin : Damnit, life is a fucking bitch.

Gwaine : Hey watch your fucking language, kid !!! Who the fuck taught you to swear?


	267. The Axe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin knows Morgana too well.

Merlin : Judging by your body language, today is not your day, huh ?

Morgana : What gave it away ?

Merlin : The axe you are gripping very tightly onto.


	268. Crazy Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon is back and this time he is accompanied by his incorrigible child Gwaine.

Leon : I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.

Gwaine : We attack Morgana with pickled eggs.

Leon : I stand corrected.

Gwaine : Just keeping things in perspective.


	269. Time Heals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is heartbroken and Merlin fulfills his duty of being a great best friend.

( After Elena left Gwaine and broke his heart )

Merlin : ( To Gwaine ) You will love again, because time will heal a broken heart.

Merlin : ( Picks up a huge rock with the violent intention of throwing it, alarming Gwaine )

Merlin : But not that bitch's window.


	270. F.U.N

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur doesn't know what fun is and our dear, sweet Gwen explains it to him.

Gwen : C'mon Arthur, it'll be fun !!!

Arthur : What's 'fun'?

Gwen : Fun is when you - fun is - it's like - sorta like a - 

Gwen : ( Gets a bright idea ) Let me spell it out for you !!!

Gwen : ( Starts singing ) F is for friends who do stuff together !!!

Gwen : U is for you and me !!!

Gwen : N is for anywhere and anytime at all !!!

Gwen : ( Her eyes shining ) Do you feel it yet ?

Arthur : ( Brief pause ) Maybe.


	271. Morgana's Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a reason that Morgana's room is off limits to most people.

Mordred : I've never been in Morgana's room before. Have you ?

Arthur : Once when she was ten.

Mordred : And ? What was it like ? What happened ?

Arthur : She pushed me out of the window and told my father that I fell.


	272. Something Personal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin sucks at wooing pretty girls that he fancies. Lucky for him, Gwen is there to be his wing woman.

Gwen : Ask her something.

Merlin : ( To Freya ) How are you ?

Gwen : Something personal !!!

Merlin : At what age did you first get your period ?


	273. The Beauty and the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana has a nickname for Merlin and Arthur.

Morgana : ( Chuckling evilly ) Merlin and Arthur.

Morgana : The Beauty and the Beast

Arthur : Now, now I wouldn't call call Merlin a beast.


	274. The Biggest Asshole In The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana and Arthur are just like any other normal siblings.

Morgana : How is the biggest asshole in the world doing?

Arthur : ( Without looking up from his report ) I don't know Morgana, how are you?

Morgana : Fuck you, Arthur.


	275. Come Out !!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin comes out to a very supportive Mommy Lancelot.

Lancelot : MERLIN, WE HAVE TO GO !!! COME OUT !!!

Merlin : I'M GAY !!!

Lancelot : NOT WHAT I MEANT BUT I STILL SUPPORT YOU !!!


	276. Three Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine explains three ways to do things to an innocent Gwen.

Gwaine : Guys, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, the Gwaine way.

Gwen : Isn't the last way also the wrong way?

Gwaine : Yeah, but its faster.


	277. The King and The Lionheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly Daddy Leon just wants to sleep but his children Merlin and Arthur won't let him.

(3 AM in the Forest)

Merlin : You are my king.

Arthur : And you are my lionheart.

Leon : And you are both gay as fuck, go to sleep.


	278. Idiots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon tries his best to knock some sense to his idiotic children Merlin and Arthur.

Leon : You both are idiots. Did you know that?

Merlin : ...............

Arthur : ...............

Merlin : In our own defense we actually did know that.


	279. Sleepy Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur can't help confessing their deepest secrets as sleep envelopes them.

A sleepy Arthur : Merlin, what would you say if I told you I love you?

An equally sleepy Merlin : I'd say I love you too.

A sleepy Arthur : Good. ( Starts snoring )


	280. The Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is sent to be the distraction for an important mission.

Morgana : What do you think Merlin will do for a distraction?

Arthur : Who knows? He'll probably like, you know. Make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

( The building blows up and the bells start ringing )

Arthur : Or he could do that.


	281. Socially Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwen are socially awkward.

Merlin : I'm socially awkward

Gwen : So am I.

Merlin : Maybe we can be socially awkward together.

Gwen : I'd like that.


	282. Do People Like Merlin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leon gets to know the reason why people don't like Merlin.

Leon : Oh - well, I'm - I'm sure people like you too, huh?

Merlin : (not very concerned) Not really, I annoy people.


	283. Be The Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin teaches Arthur how to have a proper and healthy conversation with Uther.

Merlin : Be the Merlin in the conversation.

Arthur : You want me to just say "Cowabunga, father"?

Merlin : Oh, yes, that would be awesome !!!

(Later)

Arthur : (To Uther) COWABUNGA FATHER !!!!

Merlin : YAAAAAASSSSS!!!!!


	284. Sorry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur are very bad at apologizing.

Merlin : Look, let's just agree to say 'I'm sorry' on the count of three.

Merlin : One, two, three -

Merlin : ...........

Arthur : ...........

Merlin : See, now, I'm disappointed in the both of us.


	285. A Female Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's life is never easy when Arthur and Gwaine are around.

(Gwaine and Arthur spying on Merlin)

Gwaine : Merlin just walked up to a woman.

Arthur : A female woman?

Arthur : Gwaine, is it a female woman?


	286. Hold Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin misunderstands the meaning of what Lancelot says.

(A few moments after the birth of Lancelot's and Gwen's child)

Lancelot : (To Merlin) Would you like to hold her?

Merlin : Oh - um - yeah sure, that would be great !!!! (Starts to hold Gwen in a hug)

Lancelot : (exasperated) The baby, Merlin !!!

Merlin : Yeah, right, right. The normal thing.


	287. Can't Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin can't believe what he is about to do and Mommy Lancelot is trying to help him out.

Merlin : (Looking at Arthur, laughing) I can't believe I'm going to sleep with him.

Lancelot : (Startled) Well, you don't have to.

Merlin : No I'm going to.


	288. Uther's Approval

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther does not approve of ..... Morgana's behavior.

Uther Pendragon : Morgana, I'm very disappointed in you!

Morgana : Your approval means nothing to me.


	289. Hugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Morgana hug it out.

Morgana and Arthur : AHHHH WE DID IT !!!

Arthur : Wait a minute, are we hugging? Have we ever done this before?

Morgana : No. If you ever tell anyone, I'll slit your throat.

Arthur : Oh.


	290. Body Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has no idea how to handle a pregnant Gwen.

A very pregnant Gwen : Oh, my water just broke !!!

Merlin : Don't worry about that, we'll just get you a new one.

Merlin : Oh! You mean your body water!

Merlin : That's much worse.


	291. Gwaine and His Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine describes his rocky relationship with his mother.

"My mother cried the day I was born because she knew she'd never be prettier than me."

\- Gwaine.


	292. Stone Cold Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana Pendragon describes herself.

"I'm not a stone cold bitch. I'm a natural, beautiful presence."

\- Morgana Pendragon.


	293. Listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is just done with everyone and everything.

"Everyone should listen to me all the time about everything."

\- Merlin


	294. Do It More.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur have a few kinks and Daddy Leon and Mommy Lancelot deserves awards for putting up with them.

Arthur : I love you and I treasure you and YA BORE ME !!!

Merlin : God you're being so mean.

Merlin : Do it more.

Arthur : I hope you die.

Merlin : (Fully turned on)

Leon and Lancelot : Why are you both like this?


	295. Candy and Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agravaine tells Arthur, Merlin and the Knights of the Round Table how easy it was to take over Camelot from them but Mommy Lancelot and Daddy Leon make a comeback.

Agravaine : It was like taking candy from a baby.

Leon : WHY ARE YOU GIVING CANDY TO A BABY IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Lancelot : DON'T GIVE CANDY TO A BABY!

Leon and Lancelot : THEY CAN'T BRUSH THEIR TEETH!!!!


	296. Sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana teaches Leon a lesson in manners.

Morgana : (In disguise) Excuse me, Sir Knight?

Leon : Yeah, sweetheart?

Morgana : (Rips of the disguise) SWEETHEART ?!

Morgana : Seriously Leon? Is that how you talk to women who ask for your help?


	297. Thank You, Next : Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's version of the smash song 'Thank you, next'.

Thought I'd end up with Morgana  
But she wasn't a match  
Wrote some songs about Gwen  
Now I listen and laugh  
And for Gwaine, I'm so thankful  
Wish I could say, "Thank you" to Freya  
'Cause she was an angel

One taught me love  
One taught me patience  
And one taught me pain  
Now, I'm so amazing  
I've loved and I've lost  
But that's not what I see  
So, look what I got  
Look what you taught me  
And for that, I say

Thank you, next (next)  
Thank you, next (next)  
Thank you, next  
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex  
Thank you, next (next)  
Thank you, next (next)  
Thank you, next (next)  
I'm so fuckin'

Spend more time with my friends  
I ain't worried 'bout nothin'  
Plus, I met someone else  
We havin' better discussions  
I know they say I move on too fast  
But this one gon' last  
'Cause his name is Arthur  
And I'm so good with that (so good with that)  
He taught me love (love)  
He taught me patience (patience)  
How he handles pain (pain)  
That shit's amazing (yeah, he's amazing)  
I've loved and I've lost (yeah, yeah)  
But that's not what I see (yeah, yeah)  
'Cause look what I've found (yeah, yeah)  
Ain't no need for searching, and for that, I say

Thank you, next (thank you, next)  
Thank you, next (thank you, next)  
Thank you, next (thank you)  
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex  
Thank you, next (thank you, next)  
Thank you, next (said thank you, next)  
Thank you, next (next)  
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex


	298. Thank You, Next : Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur's version of the smash song 'Thank You, Next'

Thought I'd end up with Gwen  
But she wasn't a match  
Wrote some songs about Sophia  
Now I listen and laugh  
Even almost got married  
And for Mithian, I'm so thankful  
Wish I could say, "Thank you" to Elena  
'Cause she was an angel

One taught me love  
One taught me patience  
And one taught me pain  
Now, I'm so amazing  
I've loved and I've lost  
But that's not what I see  
So, look what I got  
Look what you taught me  
And for that, I say

Thank you, next (next)  
Thank you, next (next)  
Thank you, next  
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex  
Thank you, next (next)  
Thank you, next (next)  
Thank you, next (next)  
I'm so fuckin'

Spend more time with my knights  
I ain't worried 'bout nothin'  
Plus, I met someone else  
We havin' better discussions  
I know they say I move on too fast  
But this one gon' last  
'Cause his name is Merlin  
And I'm so good with that (so good with that)  
He taught me love (love)  
He taught me patience (patience)  
How he handles pain (pain)  
That shit's amazing (yeah, he's amazing)  
I've loved and I've lost (yeah, yeah)  
But that's not what I see (yeah, yeah)  
'Cause look what I've found (yeah, yeah)  
Ain't no need for searching, and for that, I say

Thank you, next (thank you, next)  
Thank you, next (thank you, next)  
Thank you, next (thank you)  
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex  
Thank you, next (thank you, next)  
Thank you, next (said thank you, next)  
Thank you, next (next)  
I'm so fuckin' grateful for my ex


	299. How Are We Looking?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine on a mission.

Merlin : How are we looking?

Gwaine : Sexy but not like we're trying too hard.

Gwaine : Yeah sure we're trying but it's almost effortless.


	300. Prostitute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Merlin wants to make some money.

Gwaine : I didn't want to do this but I do know one way we can get the money.

Merlin : You'd make a decent prostitute.

Gwaine : I'd make an amazing prostitute.


	301. Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin was mistakenly classified by Uther as a criminal but Arthur knows better.

Merlin : Why do you have a copy of my 'Wanted' poster framed in your bedroom?

Arthur : Because it's bloody hilarious.

Arthur : It says 'most menacing and extremely dangerous'.

Arthur : It's sort of like seeing a fluffy bunny with a spiked collar.

Merlin : .......... I hate you so much.


	302. Since I Met You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Gwen are squealing happily over Merthur.

Merlin : Since when do you even care about this stuff?

Arthur : Since I met you.

Gwaine : Merlin, you have to admit that was pretty sweet.

Gwen : If you don't marry him, I will.


	303. Different Calibers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana analyzes the chances of Merlin and Arthur being in a relationship

Morgana : The chances of a relationship between yourself and Merlin are not promising. You two are of a completely different caliber.

Arthur : Morgana, just because Merlin isn't a royal doesn't mean he's not important.

Morgana : The higher caliber I was referring to, Arthur, was Merlin's.


	304. Pining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine cannot believe that Merlin has stopped pining over Arthur.

Gwaine : I can't believe you're not pining for Arthur anymore.

Merlin : Well, I don't have feelings for Arthur anymore. Time for me to get out there and spread my wings

Gwaine : Legs. 

Merlin : Spread my legs?

Gwaine : Well, either way -

Merlin : No, not either way. Only wings.


	305. Book Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur likes to read.

Merlin : (jealous) How do you know Sophia?

Arthur : Book club.

Merlin : (taken aback) You read?


	306. Adorable Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is the cutest.

Arthur : You're cute when you're angry.

Merlin : Yeah, well, I'm about to get real fucking adorable.


	307. The Greatest Sorcerer To Ever Walk On Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's got a plan but Arthur won't let him act on it.

Merlin : Arthur, I've got a plan !!!

Arthur : No, Merlin ! You aren't doing anything stupid or dangerous !!!!

Leon : Why do you worry about him so much? After all, he is 'The Greatest Sorcerer To Ever Walk On Earth'!!!

Arthur : It's just what they like to call him. That doesn't mean he knows what he is doing.

Merlin : OI !!! THAT IS NOT -

Gwaine : I have to admit, Princess has a point.


	308. Going to Bed Early

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana has a different definition of what scary means.

Gwen : Let's do something really scary !!!

Morgana : We could go to bed early and be alone with our thoughts.


	309. Arthur's Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin wants to play an important role at Arthur's wedding.

Merlin : Hey if you ever get married can I be an important role in the wedding?

Arthur : I don't even -

Merlin : Like the groom.


	310. Did It Hurt?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is back with his pick up lines. Or is he?

Arthur : Did it hurt when you fell ?

Merlin : From heaven ? Listen, Arthur, I get that you're into me -

Arthur : No, I meant when you fell walking in. I watched you trip on your foot and just kind of lay there on the floor for about ten minutes.

Merlin : ..................

Arthur : ..................

Merlin : ...................

Gwen : We all saw it.


	311. Arthur The Doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur becomes a doctor and heals Merlin.

Arthur : Hey, Merlin are you hurt somewhere?

Merlin : ( Holds out a bruised arm ) Yeah, why?

Arthur : I can cure it.

Merlin : Really ? And how on earth are you going to do that dollop - (Arthur stamps on Merlin's foot ) OWWWW !!!! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

Arthur : See you forgot about it.

Merlin : ................

Merlin : I love you.


	312. Morgana's Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana proposes to Merlin.

Morgana : Merlin, would you do me the honor of becoming my brother in law?

Arthur : Did you just .... propose to Merlin ..... for me?

Morgana : Somebody had to !!!!


	313. Merlin Hugs Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin loves to hug Arthur.

Arthur : Why are you squeezing me with your body?

Merlin : It's called a hug, Arthur. I'm hugging you.


	314. Kiss The Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Arthur and Merlin are walking together, they hear a very romantic song sung by Gwen, Gwaine, Morgana, Lancelot, Leon, Elyan, Percival and basically the whole of Camelot that ships Merthur.

There you see him  
Sitting there across the way  
He got a lot to say  
But there's something about him  
And you don't know why  
But you're dying to try  
You wanna kiss the boy

Yes, you want him  
Look at him, you know you do  
It's possible he wants you too  
There's one way to ask him  
It don't take a word, not a single word  
Go on and kiss Merlin, kiss Merlin !!!

Sha la la la la la  
My oh my  
Looks like Arthur's too shy  
Ain't gonna kiss Merlin  
Sha la la la la la  
Ain't that sad  
It's such a shame, too bad  
You're gonna miss Merlin  
Go on and kiss Merlin !!!!


	315. Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin misunderstands Arthur's question.

Arthur : ( Seeing Merlin hanging out with a woman) What's this?

Merlin : It's a girl. Surely, you've seen girls before Arthur. Your sister Morgana is one.


	316. Who Does Arthur Like?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur definitely does not like Merlin.

Gwen : So who do you like?

Arthur : Not Merlin.

Arthur : Definitely not Merlin.

Arthur : Merlin? No way, he's such an ugly guy.

Arthur : I don't like Merlin.

Arthur : In fact, I don't even know a Merlin.

Arthur : What Merlin are you referring to?

Arthur : Yeah so, I don't like Merlin.

Gwen : Chill.


	317. Rare Breed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen vents her feelings about Lancelot to her best friend Merlin.

Gwen : Lancelot is smart, sweet and funny. 

Gwen : Do you know how hard it is to meet a guy like that?

Merlin : We are a rare breed.


	318. The Greatest Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur should really count his blessings.

Arthur : Merlin !!!

Merlin : What?

Arthur : Where is my sword and armor?

Merlin : What?

Arthur : Where? Is? My? Sword? And? Armor?

Merlin : I, uh, put them away

Arthur : Where?

Merlin : Why do you need to know?

Arthur : I need to know !!!

Merlin : No way! Don't you even think of running off and patrolling !!! We've been planning this dinner for two months !!!

Arthur : The public is in danger !!!!

Merlin : MY EVENING IS IN DANGER !!!

Alec : YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SWORD AND ARMOR IS !!! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD !!!

Merlin : THE GREATER GOOD !? I AM YOUR BOYFRIEND !!! I'M THE GREATEST GOOD YOU'RE EVER GOING TO GET !!!


	319. Falsely Accused.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin hates false accusations

"Once again I am falsely accused of whatever I am accused of. Falsely."

\- Merlin.


	320. Bold of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur has no chill.

Robber : Give me all your money if you want to live !!!

Merlin : Bold of you to assume I have money.

Arthur : Bold of you to assume I want to live.

Gwen : Can you two chill for like five seconds?


	321. Top or Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine asks Arthur an important question

Gwaine : So Arthur, are you a top or a bottom?

Arthur : I'm a threat.

Gwaine : ...........

Merlin : He's a bottom.


	322. Dying Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin wants to die doing something he loves.

Merlin : At least if I die tonight, I'll die doing something I love.

Arthur : Fighting for freedom !!!

Merlin : No. Dying.


	323. Naked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is being an idiot and Mommy Lancelot is done with him.

Merlin to Arthur : No, no, no, no, you can't come in here ! Um - uh - Lancelot is naked !

Arthur through the door : What?!

Lancelot : What?!

Merlin, quietly to Lancelot : I couldn't say that I was naked because he's allowed to see me naked !

Lancelot : Why does anyone have to be naked?


	324. Arthur Wants Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur cannot function without Merlin

Gwen : ( Trying to teach Arthur to be independent ) Okay, you haven't eaten in days and you're starving and in desperate need of food. What do you do?

Arthur : I go down to the kitchen and ask Merlin to make me food.

Gwen : Yes but Merlin's not there.

Arthur : Where's Merlin?

Gwen : He left Camelot.

Arthur : He left Camelot ? Why ? Is he okay ?

Gwen : He's fine !!!

Arthur : Well, if he's fine, I don't see why he can't make me my food.


	325. Merlin's Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin sings a song.

Merlin : Now I'm going to sing you guys a song.

Merlin : It's called ' the story of my life so far'

Merlin : ( Takes a deep breath )

Merlin : ( SCREAMS )


	326. Love Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon witnesses the confession of love between Arthur and Merlin

Arthur : I don't know how to tell you this, Merlin, but you're in love with me.

Merlin : ..... what?

Merlin : .... Oh my god I AM !!!

Leon : What kind of confession did I just witness ?


	327. Surprise !!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin loves bringing home surprises and Arthur loves Merlin.

Merlin : ( Innocently ) So Arthur, what would you say if I came home one day with a cute baby dragon?

Arthur : ( Raising his eyebrows ) Merlin, what's in your hand?

Merlin : No- nothing.

Arthur : MERLIN. WHAT. IS. IN. YOUR. HAND?

Merlin : ( Smiles innocently ) I think you already know.


	328. Arthur's Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is very good at keeping secrets. Except he tells everything to Gwaine.

Gwaine : Do you have any new year's resolution Merlin?

Merlin : Yeah. To keep Arthur's secret forever unrevealed.

Gwaine : Wow ! Arthur's secret ! This is something I want to know. Tell me!

Merlin : I can't say Gwaine! They're secrets !

Arthur : That's enough. Merlin get back to work and Gwaine get back to doing whatever you were doing.

Gwaine : (Whispers) You'll tell me later, won't you?

Merlin : (Whispers back ) You already know !


	329. Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen asks Merlin a few questions.

Gwen : And your first name is ?

Merlin : Merlin

Gwen : And your boyfriend's name is?

Merlin : Arthur.

( GASPING )

Merlin : No, no. I misunderstood ! I thought you said 'best friend'.

Arthur and Gwaine : YOU BASTARD !!!


	330. The Smart One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Merlin get captured by Morgause

Morgause : Which one of you is the smart one ?

Gwaine : If by smart one you mean the one who's been bathed in a brain matter ray, science is his soul and mathematics is his language -

Merlin : (Getting irritated) IT'S ME.


	331. The Prettiest Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur are so in love with each other and Uther is just so done with them.

Merlin : Can I say something ?

Arthur : Sure.

Merlin : Your smile is the prettiest smile I've ever seen.

Arthur : Can I say something as well?

Merlin : Go ahead.

Arthur : This smile only exists when I'm with you.

Uther Pendragon : (Disgusted) I think I'm gonna throw up WTF.


	332. Arthur The Dancer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana reveals a huge secret about Arthur to Merlin.

Morgana : Don't let Arthur fool you, he's not that scary. He used to be great at dancing.

Merlin : No way.

Arthur : Which gave me the physical skills I need to strangle you with my feet.


	333. Arthur The Dancer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana reveals a huge secret about Arthur to Merlin.

Morgana : Don't let Arthur fool you, he's not that scary. He used to be great at dancing.

Merlin : No way.

Arthur : Which gave me the physical skills I need to strangle you with my feet.


	334. Little Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur reports back the details of his first date with Merlin to Gwen and Morgana

Morgana : So did you kiss him ?

Arthur : No, the moment wasn't right.

Arthur : Look, Merlin might actually be my future husband. I want our first kiss to be amazing.

Gwen : Awww Arthur that is so sweet.

Morgana : So you chickened out like a little bitch.


	335. Merlin's Advice on Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen asks Merlin for advice after an argument with Arthur.

Gwen : Merlin, Arthur isn't talking to me.

Merlin : Enjoy it while it lasts.


	336. Merlin's Stupidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur insults Merlin's intelligence.

Arthur : Merlin, you're so stupid. I bet you can't even make a sentence without using the letter 'A'?

Merlin : You thought you just did something, didn't you?

Merlin : Well, I'm sorry to burst your bubble but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English Lexicon.

Morgana : Wow.

Gwaine : I'm in love.

Arthur : Merlin, what the fuck ?


	337. Quick Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine gives a quick update about Arthur

Gwaine : And now a quick update from His Royal Highness, King Arthur Pendragon.

Arthur : Slowly but surely, I'm getting gayer.

Gwaine : There you have it folks.


	338. Pet Names

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin have such cute pet names for each other.

Arthur : Merlin can undo the curse !

Merlin : Thank you Captain Obvious.

Arthur : You're welcome Sergeant Sarcasm.

Merlin : Indeed Comrade Comeback.


	339. Dress To Depress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana Pendragon gives the people of Camelot an important style technique she uses in her day to day life.

Morgana : I don't dress to impress.

Morgana : I dress to depress.

Morgana : I look so good I make people hate themselves.


	340. Not Interested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin lists two things he is not interested in. At all.

Merlin : I am not interested in being polite

Merlin : Or heterosexual


	341. Loss For Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius is so done with Merlin's shit.

Gaius, after hearing that Merlin used his magic despite all warnings against it : I AM AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.

Merlin : Despite being lost for words, Gaius shouted at me for the next ten minutes.


	342. Happy and You Know It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen is such a cheerful little bean.

Gwen : If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands !!!

Merlin : .........

Arthur : .........

Morgana : .......

Gwen : ..... well that's depressing


	343. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin writes a letter to Uther to ask permission to marry Arthur

Dear Mr. Pendragon,

I am writing to you to inform you that I plan to ask your son to marry me. 

But since it's the medieval era, I am not asking you for your permission, as he is not your property nor would he be mine if he chooses to say yes. 

He is a strong, independent man and he don't need no man !!! 

That being said, I truly hope he says yes. But it's his decision so back off !!!!

Sincerely,

Please don't kill me,

Thank you,

Merlin Emrys.


	344. Not Hungry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot is back and this time he is in charge of taking care of the incorrigible Gwaine

Lancelot : Alright, what do you want to eat?

Gwaine : I'm not hungry.

Lancelot : Uh okay.

( Lancelot gets the food )

Gwaine : ( Eats more than half of Lancelot's food )

Lancelot : You said you're not hungry !!!

Gwaine : ( Mouth full ) I'm not !!!


	345. Constructive Criticism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon is back and this time he is babysitting Merlin.

Leon : Do you take constructive criticism ?

Merlin : Not without crying.


	346. Ethical Philosphers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Morgana make a lethal and dangerous combination.

Merlin : So, hey Gaius, Morgana and I just wanted to double check. How do ethical philosophers feel about murder?

Gaius : It's frowned upon.

Morgana : Okay. What if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? That's okay, right?


	347. Go To Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine's midnight musings annoy Arthur.

Gwaine : What if people screamed instead of snored ?

Arthur : Gwaine, for the love of Camelot, just go to sleep.


	348. Bisexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine comes out to Merlin by cracking a joke.

Gwaine : I like my women like I like my men

Merlin : .....

Gwaine : ......

Merlin : And ?

Gwaine : That's it. That's the whole joke, I'm bisexual.


	349. Worst Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a fun take on his relationship with Arthur

"You can't surprise me anymore. Letting me into your life was the worst mistake you ever made."

\- Merlin to Arthur Pendragon.


	350. Lovers' Toolbox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Arthur's and Merlin's wedding day and as always Gwaine makes an effort to make it extra special for the two lovebirds.

Servant : ( To Arthur and Merlin on their wedding day ) Here are your drinks.

Servant : And a lovers' toolbox from Sir Gwaine.

Merlin : Ah thank you so much.

Arthur : We will never open that.


	351. Counting On Morgana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen confronts Morgana.

Gwen : Your friends were counting on you !!!

Morgana : Well, that's your fault. I have a carefully created persona that screams 'You're on your own!'


	352. The Chicken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin loves teasing Arthur.

Merlin : Why did the chicken cross the road ?

Arthur : Why ?

Merlin : To get to the idiot's house.

Arthur : .....

Merlin : Knock Knock.

Arthur : Who's there?

Merlin : The chicken.

Arthur : Listen here you little shit -


	353. Gwaine's Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is one thing about Gwaine, Arthur hates and Gwaine finds that hard to believe

Arthur : I hate your hair.

Gwaine : Impossible. No one does.


	354. Behind You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin rants so much about Arthur to everyone and Daddy Leon cannot take it anymore.

Merlin : You know, Arthur is - 

Leon : What ? What is it this time ? Annoying ? A pain ? A total cabbage-head? An idiot ? Rude ? Stupid ? We have heard it all before. Time after time again. 

Leon : We all know Arthur Pendragon is a giant, idiotic, dickheaded prat !!! Gosh ...

Merlin : .........

Merlin : I was going to say right behind you.

Leon : ..............

Leon : Ah.

Leon : Well.

Leon : Shit.


	355. Excuse You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur describes Merlin.

"Excuse you, that is my emotional support human disaster."

\- Arthur Pendragon, about Merlin.


	356. Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine tries to woo a very sleepy and tired Merlin.

Gwaine : It's like we're meant to be together. Fate keeps bringing us to each other.

Merlin : Gwaine, it's three in morning and you're literally climbing through my window. How did you even get in here?

Gwaine, annoyed : Fate brought me here. I just told you that.


	357. B C A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur defeat protect Camelot once again from getting conquered by an evil sorcerer and they get ready to celebrate their successful victory

Arthur : Okay it's time to celebrate. You know what that means

Arthur : This B needs a C in his A.

Merlin : OH MY GAWD !!!

Arthur : This Boy needs Chicken in his Arms.

Merlin : Oh !

Merlin : I thought you were saying this Bastard needs a Cock in his Ass.

Arthur : OH MY GAWD !!!

Merlin : Yeah that was my reaction !


	358. Whatever Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin faces a huge problem he thought he would never face.

Arthur : Whatever happens, you're not allowed to fall in love with me.

Merlin : Won't be a problem clotpole.

( A week later )

Merlin : THERE IS A PROBLEM !!!


	359. Holding A Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen has love life problems and because Morgana is such a great friend, she generously bestows her wise advice to Gwen.

Gwen : I wish I had the ability to make boys really nervous.

Morgana : Holding a knife up to their throats usually works for me.


	360. No Pretence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen tries to see the best in Arthur but Merlin sees Arthur for who he truly is

Gwen : So no matter how shallow and self - absorbed Arthur pretends to be - 

Merlin : Excuse me, there's no pretence here. Arthur happens to be genuinely self absorbed and deeply shallow.


	361. Another Word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin consults his best friends for advice on synonyms

Merlin : What's another word for 'No'?

Arthur : 'Negative', 'never'.

Gwaine, yelling : YESN'T


	362. In The Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is all out of excuses.

Gaius : Why are you naked ?

Merlin, panicking : Uh - I don't have any clothes.

Gaius : ( Opens the closet ) You have shirts, scarves, pants, jackets, - hello Arthur - socks, underwear and shoes.


	363. Plain Boring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a weird take on his relationship with Merlin

"You've lost the ability to surprise me. You're just plain boooring !!!"

\- Arthur Pendragon, to Merlin Emrys


	364. Merlin's Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin proposes to the love of his life.

Merlin : Okay, here it goes. Arthur, I love you. I love how smart you are, I love how handsome you are, I love your face and I love your butt. I should have written this down first.

Arthur : No, no it's okay. Go on.

Merlin : You're obnoxious and stubborn but you're also kind and funny and the best person I know. 

Merlin : Also I really love your butt.

Arthur : I love yours too.

Merlin : Gross.

Merlin : Arthur Pendragon, will you marry me?

Arthur : Merlin, I will marry you.


	365. Private Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin finally have sex and Daddy Leon is the first to hear about the dirty details.

Arthur : We didn't talk. We made love.

Leon : Oh my. Mm. Oh well, spare me the details. I'm just happy -

Arthur : It was so intense, I didn't know where my flesh stopped and his began. You know what I mean?

Leon : Yeah....

Arthur : The two of us just making love for hours and hours and - 

Leon : This seems like a private matter -

Arthur : Merlin really knows his way around a penis.


	366. Bedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot is very concerned regarding Arthur's and Merlin's relationship

Lancelot : So you're bedding Merlin ?

Arthur : Sometimes. Usually it's just against a wall.


	367. Jump Off A Cliff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur thinks Merlin is stupid but Daddy Leon and Mommy Lancelot object to his views.

Lancelot : Arthur, you should be more like Merlin.

Arthur : So now I'm just supposed to do anything that Merlin does? I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?

Lancelot : If Merlin were to jump off a cliff, he would have done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water and the angle of the entry. 

Leon : So yes. If you see Merlin jump off a cliff ... by all means jump off a cliff.

Arthur : You jump off a cliff !!!!

Lancelot : Gladly.

Leon : Provided, Merlin did first.


	368. Merlin's Dignity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin never misses a moment to be clumsy and Gwaine never misses a moment to make fun of his best friend

Merlin : (Trips over himself and falls while opening a door for Arthur)

Gwaine : Merlin, you dropped something.

Merlin : What?

Gwaine : Your dignity.


	369. Gwaine's Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen is unsure of Gwaine's life choices

Gwen : Are you sure this is a good decision?

Gwaine : (Offended) What are you talking about ?

Gwaine : I've never made a good decision in my life and I never will.


	370. Merlin's Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur cannot believe that Merlin has a crush on him.

Arthur : That's ridiculous. Merlin doesn't have a crush on me.

Gwen : Yes, he does.

Morgana : Yes, he does.

Lancelot : Yes, he does.

Gwaine : Yes, he does.

Leon : Yes, he does.

Uther : Yes, he does

Gaius : Yes, he does

Kilgarrah : Yes, he does

Merlin : Yes, I do.


	371. The Antics of Childish Arthur and Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur are petty AF.

Arthur : Merlin put salt in my tea because I annoyed him but I'm going to drink it because I'm petty and I won't let him win.


	372. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon has a very forgiving attitude when it comes to sorcery.

Uther Pendragon : Whoever performed this act of sorcery, come forward, and all will be forgiven.

( Silence )

Uther Pendragon : Smart, you knew I'd never forgive you.


	373. Arthur's Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur Pendragon is a strong, independent man with one weakness.

"If Merlin thinks he can just bat his stupid beautiful blue puppy eyes at me and get whatever he wants, he is absolutely right."

\- Arthur Pendragon.


	374. The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and Lancelot being cute together.

Gwen : I can fit the world in my hands.

Lancelot : No, you can't.

Gwen : ( Cups Lancelot's face )

Lancelot : Oh my God

Lancelot : ( Cups Gwen's face )

Lancelot : I can fit the world in my hands too !

Gwen : Awww !!!


	375. Arthur's Dignity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Arthur save what remains of his dignity before it's too late?

Arthur : No, thanks. I'll save whatever dignity I have left.

Merlin and Gwaine : You're hanging with us now, dignity's got nothing to do with it.


	376. Productive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin asks Arthur to guess what he is about to do tomorrow

Merlin : Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

Arthur : Becoming a productive manservant to the Crown Prince of Camelot?

Merlin : Arthur. Come on.


	377. Somebody's In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana teases Arthur about being in love with Merlin

Morgana : Uh oh.

Arthur : What?

Morgana : Somebody's in love.

Arthur : Yeah right. I just think Merlin is cool, okay?

Arthur : It's not like I lie awake at night thinking about him.

(Later that night)

Arthur : (Lying awake thinking about Merlin)

Arthur : Uh oh.


	378. Easy Chemistry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin have such great chemistry together.

Arthur : Merlin and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's -

Merlin : Sentences.

Arthur : Please don't interrupt me.


	379. Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Gwaine have different mindsets when it comes to defining disasters

(When something goes wrong)

Arthur : This is a disaster.

Gwaine : Famine is a disaster. This is an ... inconvenience.


	380. Avoiding Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is an expert at avoiding problems but Gwen does not like that.

Gwen : You are avoiding your problems.

Merlin : What ? No, I'm not.

Merlin : Can we talk about this tomorrow?


	381. Worst That Could Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine coaxes Arthur to admit his feelings for Merlin

Gwaine : Go tell Merlin he's cute. What's the worst that could happen?

Arthur : He could hear me !!!


	382. Dinner with Merthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine has dinner with Merlin and Arthur

Merlin : You are so cute.

Arthur : You're cuter !

Merlin : No, you're cuter !

Arthur : No, you're the cutest !

Gwaine : Yeah, you're both adorable. Can you pass the salt?


	383. Which One ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen gives Morgana some advice that makes Morgana confused.

Gwen : Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Morgana : Which one ? I can't do both.


	384. Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine being Gwaine

"I'm loyal and kinky af, what more could you want?" 

\- Gwaine


	385. A Good Guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin pays attention to Arthur

Arthur : Cenred has the collective intelligence of a pineapple. 

Merlin : Arthur is right.

Gwaine : What do you know? You weren't even paying attention.

Merlin : I was. I said Arthur was right.

Arthur : Yeah but there's like a 90% chance of me being right most of the time, so that's not proof you were listening.

Arthur : That's just a good guess.


	386. Thank You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon thanks Merlin in a very important conversation.

Uther Pendragon : (To Merlin) I may have had my prejudices in the past .... but seeing you stand by Arthur?

Uther Pendragon : It's what every father wants for his children.

Uther Pendragon : Thank you for loving my boy.


	387. Exit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is very welcoming of the beautiful royal guests and that makes Merlin jealous.

Arthur : (To a royal princess) Merlin will show you around.

Merlin : Okay, right this way is the exit.


	388. Merlin's Favorite Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen gets to know about Merlin's favorite color

Gwen : So what's your favorite color?

Merlin : Arthur.

Merlin : Wait, what was the question?


	389. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin are so different to each other.

Merlin : Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.

Arthur : Yeah, break their bones, they have 206 of those.


	390. In Love With Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana tries to convince Arthur to say that he is in love with Merlin.

Arthur : I am the King. Merlin's my manservant. 

Arthur : We're just friends.

Morgana : Look, Arthur, just say it, you'll feel better.

Morgana : You're in love with Merlin.

Arthur : Forget it. You know what?

Arthur : You're in love with Merlin !!!

Morgana : Oh okay. Denial. What a childish comeback!


	391. The Heart Wants What It Wants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin does not like Vivian.

Vivian : The heart wants what it wants !!!

Merlin : Yeah, well, my heart wants to hurt you but I'm able to control myself.


	392. Go Out For A Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine asks Merlin out but Merlin has a problem at hand

Gwaine : I was just thinking it was really nice getting to know you. 

Gwaine : You seem .... sympathetic.

Gwaine : Would you like to go out for a drink sometime?

Merlin : That sounds fun, um .... when?

Gwaine : How about right now?

Merlin : (Hears Arthur roaring his name angrily from a distance)

Merlin : (Internally curses Arthur for being a prat)

Merlin : Um.... You know, now's not a really good time for me. 

Merlin : Another time, maybe?

Merlin : I gotta go.

Gwaine : (Watches Merlin leave)

Gwaine: Playing hard to get.

Gwaine : I love a challenge.


	393. The Pen and The Sword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur doesn't often agree with Morgana but there are a very few rare occasions when he does.

Morgana : Whoever said 'The Pen is Mightier Than The Sword' was an idiot.

Arthur : When you're right, you're right.


	394. Sister and Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana Pendragon annoys Arthur.

"Sisters can really drive you nuts sometimes."

Arthur Pendragon about Morgana Pendragon.


	395. A Cupcake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred threatens Arthur.

Mordred : You have no idea what I'm capable of.

Arthur : No offense, but I literally feel like I'm been threatened by a cupcake.


	396. Execute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is Arthur's biggest cheerleader.

Arthur : (Stabs and fights the enemies of Camelot)

Arthur : (Punches someone in the face)

Merlin : You go babe !!! You put the cute in execute !!!


	397. Merlin and Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine's way of dealing with anything life throws at them.

Merlin : I got this.

Gwaine : With what?

Merlin : My easy charm and boyish good looks?

Gwaine : Fair enough.


	398. Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin hopes for the sake of all the lives in the world that Gwaine will never join the field of medicine

Gwaine : Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.

Merlin : Please never become a surgeon.


	399. Sad Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is sad and Merlin isn't very good at cheering him up.

Gwaine : I am sad.

Merlin : At least you feel something, that means you are alive.

Gwaine : ...........

Gwaine : Well now I'm sad about two things


	400. Laundry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur talks dirty to Merlin

Merlin : Talk dirty to me.

Arthur : I'm not wearing any underwear 

Merlin : Nice. Keep going.

Arthur : Because you never do the laundry.

Merlin : I gotta go.

Arthur : Is it to do the laundry?


	401. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur cannot function without Merlin.

Arthur : I need you.

Merlin : For?

Arthur : ... ever?


	402. Murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana and Merlin's conversation.

Morgana : Murder wasn't on today's agenda.

Merlin : It's not on anyone's.

Morgana : No, it's on mine, just not until next Thursday.


	403. Beautiful Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is well aware of his seductive charms

Percival : You're probably one of those beautiful men who doesn't even know it.

Gwaine : No, I know it.


	404. A Moo Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every day is a surprise for Arthur when Merlin is by his side.

Merlin : If Will doesn't like you this is all a moo point.

Arthur : A moo point?

Merlin : Yeah, it's just like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.

Arthur ( To Morgana and Gwen) : Have I been living with him for too long or did that all just make sense?


	405. Arthur's Wrist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin truly understands Arthur

Arthur : (Hits his hand on the table)

Arthur : Owww my armkle !!!

Gwen : Your what?

Merlin : His wrist.


	406. Sir Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason why Gwaine became a knight.

Arthur : Now all we have to do is follow the trail of apples.

Gwaine : This .... this is why I became a knight.


	407. Arthur's Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin have different plans

Merlin : Arthur, we should get inside and f - 

Arthur : I told you, Merlin! We are not going to fuck!

Merlin : ...........

Arthur : ............

Arthur : Okay, we are! But just because we won!

Merlin : I was going to say find the others.

Merlin : But your plan is much better!


	408. Help Arthur Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is angry with Arthur and Merlin provides new insight

Gwaine : Arthur Pendragon is a right wanker!

Merlin : True, but only when I'm not there to help him out!

Gwaine : Yes exactly, Arthur is - 

Gwaine : (Realizes what Merlin just said) waiT wHAt DID yOU JuST sAY????


	409. Merlin Needs A Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is exhausted and he needs a drink

Merlin : Wow I need a drink.

Merlin : (Pours apple juice into a wine glass)


	410. Flirting Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine teaches Merlin how to flirt.

Merlin : Your hair looks good today.

Gwaine : It looks good everyday.

Merlin : .....

Merlin : You make flirting very hard, you know?

Gwaine : You make me very hard.

Gwaine : (Winks at Merlin who is blushing)

Gwaine : That's how you flirt.


	411. Merlin and Orders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine falls in love with Merlin.

(Arthur orders Merlin not to follow him)

Gwaine : Will you follow him?

Merlin : Of course.

Gwaine : I love you.


	412. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur finds himself constantly apologizing on behalf of Gwaine.

"I'd also like to apologize for my knight, Sir Gwaine. His parents didn't give him enough attention."

\- Arthur Pendragon.


	413. Giving Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine proposes something amazing and Arthur gets his hopes up way too quickly.

Gwaine : I'm giving up alcohol for a month.

Arthur : Really?

Gwaine: Wait, that didn't come out right.

Gwaine : I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.


	414. Small Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon and Mommy Lancelot are back !

Leon : Lancelot and I have a bad feeling about this.

Arthur : What do you mean?

Lancelot : Don't you ever get that small voice inside your head telling you something is going to get you in a lot of trouble?

Arthur : .......

Merlin : ........

Gwaine ..... no?

Lancelot : .... that ....

Leon : That explains so much.


	415. Crying in the Bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine makes Mordred cry.

Gwaine : Yesterday I accidentally stabbed Mordred's leg and I couldn't decide on saying "I'm so fucking sorry" or "Are you fucking okay?"

Gwaine : So I panicked and yelled "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?"

Gwaine : He is still crying in the bathroom.


	416. Arthur's Bane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur isn't scared of anything at all.

Merlin : What are you doing here?

Arthur : ( Standing up on a chair) I live here, you know. I can stand wherever I want, thank you very much.

Merlin : .....

Merlin : Where's the spider?

Arthur: It's under the table. Please get it for me, please -


	417. The Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine are best friends, nothing can break them apart.

Arthur : Would you like to dance?

Merlin : I'd love to.

Merlin : ( Turns to Gwaine )

Merlin : May I have this dance?


	418. Gwaine's Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one is allowed to touch Gwaine's hair.

Arthur : Whoa! What the hell is happening upstairs?

Percival : Merlin and Gwaine decided they wanted to have a sleepover. You know, wear matching pyjamas and brush each other's hair ....

Arthur : Sounds like someone is getting stabbed to death....

Percival : Ah yes ! That would be the part where Merlin starts brushing Gwaine's hair.


	419. 3 AM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin can't sleep and Gwaine offers advice and Arthur starts panicking.

Merlin : I hardly slept last night.

Gwaine : Well, you know what they say, when you can't sleep - someone's thinking about you.

Merlin : Who the hell would be thinking of me at 3 am?

Arthur : ( Gay panicked silence )


	420. Capable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius believes in Merlin but Merlin does not believe in himself

Gaius : I believe you are capable of much more.

Merlin : I am not.


	421. Common Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is distraught after losing his favorite shirt and Mommy Lancelot and his best friend Merlin try to comfort him.

(Gwaine after losing his favorite shirt)

Lancelot : Gwaine, it's only a shirt.

Gwaine, aghast : Only a shirt !

Merlin : Gwaine's a little attached to that shirt. He thinks it's lucky.

Gwaine : It is lucky. I ain't never died while wearing that shirt.

Lancelot : I .... I'm not sure how to respond.

Merlin : That's a common reaction to Gwaine.


	422. Forgiving Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur can't stay mad at Merlin for too long.

Arthur : I am literally so mad at you right now !!! There is nothing you can say that will make me forgive you !!!

Merlin : But Arthur -

Arthur : Okay I forgive you.


	423. Merlin's Signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur does not know how to read signs

Merlin : You can't spell fuck without 'u'.

Arthur : I'm not sure if you are insulting me or flirting with me.


	424. In The Event of A Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine encounters failure and Mommy Lancelot is concerned.

Gwaine : I failed my safety course today.

Lancelot : Oh no, what happened?

Gwaine : Well, one of the questions was "in the event of a fire what steps would you take?"

Gwaine : Apparently, " fucking large ones" wasn't the right answer.


	425. Stay Focused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin teaches Arthur self love.

Merlin : You have to learn how to love yourself.

Arthur : But don't you hate yourself.

Merlin : Yeah, but this is about you, Arthur. Stay focused.


	426. The List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is confused and Morgana has a list.

Arthur : I don't understand why everyone thinks I'm in love with Merlin.

Morgana : I have a list in my room. Do you want me to fetch it?


	427. Canary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur's tactical and standard plan for any mission.

Arthur : Okay, if anyone asks who we are : I'm the leader, Leon's my number two, Gwaine's our combat strength, Lancelot is our intelligence and Merlin is our canary.

Merlin : Canary?

Arthur : We send you in first and if you die, we know the room is dangerous.

Merlin : Gee thanks.


	428. Hunith Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin tells his mother about Arthur.

Merlin : And his eyes are so intense and focused and ....

Merlin : (dreamily) I've never seen such eyes.

Hunith : Shall I leave you alone with your thoughts for a moment?


	429. Live The Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine gives Merlin some advice.

Gwaine : Go live your dream !!!

Arthur : I will.

Gwaine : Your dream stinks. I was talking to Merlin.


	430. Fate, Destiny ....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin isn't really a big believer in fate and destiny.

Arthur : Something brought you here, Merlin.

Arthur : Call it what you will. 

Arthur : Fate ... Destiny -

Merlin : A Dragon.


	431. A Church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a colorful vocabulary and thankfully Arthur is there to remind him of the time and place to use it.

Merlin : You sneaky son of a - 

Arthur : Ah, ah, ah! Watch it, you're in a church!


	432. A Girl Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agravaine tries to boast but Merlin ends up mocking him.

Agravaine : I've a girl back home who's unlike any other.

Merlin : Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother.


	433. Luau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What a man does in his spare time is none of my business, Merlin"

Arthur : Come on, Merlin, Gwaine. You guys gotta create a distraction.

Merlin : What do you want me to do? Dress in drag and do the hula?

( A moment later )

Merlin, dressed as a lady : LUAU !!!!


	434. The Noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius hears a loud noise and goes to investigate.

Gaius : Merlin what was that noise?

Merlin : Uh - my shirt fell.

Gaius : It sounded a little heavier than that.

Merlin : It was. I was in it.


	435. A Bloody Log

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is trapped under a huge log unable to escape and Merlin comes to his rescue

Merlin : Arthur !!!!

Arthur : (Groans)

Merlin : Your majestic highness, what's the point in all those push-ups if you can't even lift a bloody log?


	436. Daisies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Merlin wants to do is to protect Arthur.

Arthur : I have to do something.

Merlin : Did you see those Saxons?

Merlin : They popped out of the snow!!! Like daisies !!!


	437. Stargazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine go stargazing and as always Merlin and Gwaine mess with Arthur.

Arthur : Merlin?

Merlin : Yeah?

Arthur : Ever wonder what those sparkling dots up there are?

Merlin : I don't wonder, I know.

Gwaine : What are they?

Merlin : They're fireflies.

Merlin : Fireflies that got stuck up in that big bluish - black thing.

Gwaine : Gee. 

Gwaine : I always thought they were balls of gas, burning billions of miles away.

Arthur : Gwaine, with you, everything's gas.


	438. Gwaine is Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is confused and wants to clear a few things up.

Gwaine : (To Arthur and Morgana)

Gwaine : Let me get this straight.

Gwaine : You know Morgana, Morgana knows Arthur.

Gwaine : But she wants to kill him and everybody's not okay with that?


	439. Uncle Agravaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agravaine does not want Arthur to become king

Arthur : Uncle Agravaine, when I'm king, what will that make you?

Agravaine : An idiot's uncle.


	440. Sir Gwaine's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine can be surprisingly wise and insightful.

"When the world turns its back on you .... you turn your back on the world."

\- Sir Gwaine


	441. Somebody Important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine love bullying Arthur.

"Oh Arthur, it's just you. We were afraid it was somebody important."

\- Gwaine and Merlin to an exasperated Arthur Pendragon.


	442. Sarcasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot learns a new and foreign language from the expert Merlin.

Merlin : Well, that worked like a dream.

Lancelot : It did?

Merlin : Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?


	443. Translation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur are the most sassiest couple ever!

Morgana : Bow to me!!!

Arthur : No matter how hard the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.

Merlin : Translation - go fuck yourself!


	444. The Dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Morgana are just two regular siblings

Morgana : This dress looks awful.

Arthur : That's because it's on you dear.


	445. Execution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon's reasoning for execution

"As your merciful sovereign, I hereby decree that everyone who was ever mean to me shall be executed."

\- Uther Pendragon.


	446. New Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is all out of plans and Gwaine comes up with a new plan.

Gwaine : Okay so things didn't go as planned but new plan - 

Merlin : Gwaine we've had lots of plans and none of them have worked.

Gwaine : Yeah but this is a good one.

Gwaine : The new plan is NO PLAN !!!

Gwaine : We wing it!!!

Gwaine : Probably won't work but I said it with a lot of confidence.


	447. Guarding Hades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Morgana's bickering.

Morgana : Hello Arthur.

Arthur : Morgana, good to see you.

Arthur : But if you're here .... 

Arthur : Who's guarding Hades?


	448. The Birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is talking to Arthur about his week at Ealdor when someone comes in to visit Arthur.

Arthur : How was your week with your mum ?

Merlin : Fantastic, she loves me. I would give you more details but someone just came in here to try and find her fox skin coat.

(Arthur turns around to find Morgana behind him)

Morgana : Hello, Arthur.

Arthur : Morgana. I wondered why the birds had suddenly stopped singing.


	449. The Bigger Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur becomes the bigger person

"I should be the bigger person. It shouldn't be hard, given that Morgana's not technically a person."

\- Arthur Pendragon.


	450. Court The Flooze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana is a diehard Methur shipper.

Morgana : (To Arthur, shocked) I can't believe you're going out with that flooze, Sophia !!!

Morgana : You should be courting Merlin! ( Looks at Merlin) Right Merlin?

Merlin : ( Trying to act casual ) Whatever bro, court the flooze. I don't care.

Arthur : See? It's never going to happen, Morgana, okay?

Arthur : Because I have find Merlin repulsive and he finds me extremely handsome.

Arthur : So stop pressuring us !!!

Morgana : Oh you sweet naive boy. I haven't even begun to pressure you two.

Morgana : I've already written my Maid of Honor speech for your wedding.


	451. Leon and Lancelot's Love Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot and Daddy Leon give encouragement to Merlin and Arthur

Arthur : Okay, Leon and Lancelot ... follow Agravaine.

Lancelot : Right. And you and Merlin follow your hearts.

Merlin : No! We're going to stay in Camelot.

Leon : And with each other forever.


	452. Just A Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin tells his friends about his kiss with Arthur

Merlin : Arthur and I kissed.

Gwen : WHAAATTT ???? TELL ME EVERYTHING !!!!!

Merlin : Gwen, it was just a kiss, okay? We were on a mission and it was to keep our cover from been blown. It was nothing.

Gwaine : Yeah who cares about a kiss?

Gwaine : Call me if you grab each others asses.


	453. Holes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation between Arthur, Gwaine and Lancelot.

Arthur : I will not be using a loophole.

Arthur : As always, I'll be using the main hole or no hole.

Arthur : I choose no hole.

Gwaine : You just said 'hole' way too much, Sire.

Lancelot : And that's coming from Gwaine.

Arthur : Yes that is concerning.


	454. Impending Doom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen warns Morgana of her impending doom.

Gwen : Someone is coming. Someone you don't like.

Morgana : That can be anyone! Be more specific, Gwen!


	455. Out of Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur comes home expecting to find Merlin, instead he finds a certain annoying person.

Arthur : Merlin, darling, I'm home!

Gwaine: Awesome, we're out of milk.

Arthur : WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE AGAIN? WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS?

Gwaine : You're dating the man who happens to be my best friend. Better get used to it. By the way, we're out of milk.


	456. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin asks advice on revenge from Lancelot and Gwaine.

Merlin : Hey, Lancelot how do I get revenge on those who have forsaken me?

Lancelot : The best revenge is to let go, Merlin.

Merlin : ........

Merlin : Hey, Gwaine how do I -

Gwaine : I'm already packed, let's go kill the bitch.


	457. Bubbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is making one of his random musings and Arthur takes it as a challenge.

Merlin : You can never say bubbles angrily.

Arthur : ?????

(Later)

Morgana : Merlin, why is Arthur angrily screaming 'bubbles' on the roof?


	458. Big Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin takes a big decision regarding his and Arthur's relationship.

Merlin : Arthur, after meeting your father, I had to take a big decision regarding the possible future of our relationship.

Arthur : ........

Merlin : We're spending the holidays with my family.


	459. What The Hell?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur asks Gwaine an important question and Gwaine answers it by being himself

Arthur : What the hell do you think you're doing?

Gwaine : Honestly? I have no idea.


	460. Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur wonders whether Merlin has a crush on him.

Arthur : You have a crush on me, don't you?

Merlin : The only crush I have is the crushing weight of my existence.

Merlin : Also, yes.


	461. Burning Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur smells something burning and Merlin has the answer to his question.

Arthur : Is something burning? 

Merlin : Only my desire for you.

Arthur : Merlin, the castle is on fire.


	462. Back Rub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur's been stressed out lately and Merlin offers a solution but they are both interrupted.

Merlin : Hey babe, you've been so stressed lately. Let me give you a back rub. 

Gwaine : Oh man, would you??? That would be so gre -

Arthur : He was talking to me, you drunk fool - 

Arthur : Also why the fuck were you under our bed?


	463. Shocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur are both equally shocked.

Arthur : You like me? Like my personality?

Merlin: I was shocked too.


	464. The Reason Merlin is With Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin tells Morgana why he is dating Arthur.

Morgana : Come on Merlin, you can tell me.

Morgana : Why are you really with my idiot brother?

Morgana : He's not blackmailing you, is he?

Merlin : No, I just feel sorry for him.

Arthur : I am standing right here, you know.


	465. Maim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation between Merlin and Agravaine.

Agravaine : Oh please, you wouldn't hurt a fly.

Merlin : You're right. Because a fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anybody.

Merlin : You, however, I would maim.


	466. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A summary of Gwaine and Merlin

Gwaine : From now on, we fuck up shit together.

Merlin : Good.


	467. Scratches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin doesn't always follow Arthur's orders and sometimes that has consequences.

Arthur : Merlin, why are there scratches all over your back?

Merlin : (Flashback to when he chased after a raccoon when Arthur told him not to.)

Merlin : ..... I'm cheating on you.


	468. Twenty Six Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Merlin have different perspectives on naming plans.

Merlin : Alright, time for Plan 2.

Arthur : Don't you mean Plan B?

Merlin : That would insinuate that I have only twenty six plans.


	469. Shut Up Idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur have an argument

Arthur : You can never lose an argument if you say 'Shut up, idiot' at the end.

Merlin : Yes, you can.

Arthur : Shut up idiot.


	470. Thought Provoking Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin ponders over deep and thought provoking questions and Arthur is just annoyed.

Merlin : Do blind people see their dreams?

Merlin : Do deaf people hear their thoughts?

Arthur : Do you ever shut the fuck up?


	471. Already Do That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is angry with Arthur and Gwaine is a good friend to Merlin as always.

Merlin : ARTHUR CAN SUCK MY DICK !!!

Gwaine : But doesn't he already do that?


	472. Lancelot's Warning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot warns Merlin but Merlin is a smol bean who won't listen.

Lancelot : Stay out of trouble.

Merlin : Not my strong suit.


	473. Cute Of Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur asks Merlin a serious question to which Merlin replies in a truthful and honest way.

Arthur : If I died, how much would you miss me?

Merlin : It's cute that you think death can get you out of this relationship.


	474. Emotionally Supportive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is the cutest and supportive boyfriend to Arthur.

Merlin : Come on, okay? You're beautiful. There's nothing you should be insecure about.

Arthur : That was way too emotionally supportive and I just need you to lock that shit down.


	475. Lucky Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin loves Morgana's presents.

Morgana : I found a dead rabbit on the side of the road and I cut its feet off and made it into a lucky charm for you.

Merlin : Morgana, you are so creepy! Thank you, I love it!


	476. Hilarious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is offended that no one finds him hilarious but Arthur is there for him.

Merlin : Sometimes I'll tell a joke and you won't laugh and it honestly offends me because I'm freaking hilarious.

Arthur : I know that. Why do you think 90% of my jokes are based on you?


	477. Lose or Burn?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is unsure about something and Gwen as always, is there for him with great fashion advice.

Merlin : Do you think I should lose the hat? 

Gwen : I think you should burn it. 

Gwen : Because, you know, if you lose it, you might find it again.


	478. Moody Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred is just being nice but Merlin is in a bad mood.

Mordred : Have a good day!

Merlin : Don't tell me what to do!


	479. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Great Dragon is back and this time he teaches Merlin what time truly means.

Kilgarrah : There is no future. There is no past.

Kilgarrah : Don't you see?

Kilgarrah : Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Merlin : ..............

Merlin : All I wanted to know was when your birthday is.


	480. Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin suddenly realizes something very important and Arthur thinks that he is in love with an idiot.

Merlin : Wait, did you just flirt with me?

Arthur : Have been for the past years but thanks for noticing.


	481. Illegal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen is the moral compass while Merlin and Morgana have no compass at all.

Gwen : This is illegal !

Merlin and Morgana : Illegal is such a strong word.


	482. Not Being Overdramatic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin tries to bring Morgana to the light but Morgana has her own strong ideals.

Merlin : Strength is forgiving someone who was never really sorry.

Morgana : Okay, not to be overdramatic but I would literally rather die.


	483. Merlin's Reputation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mithian understands Merlin's worth.

Mithian : You're much cleverer than your reputation suggests, Merlin.

Merlin : I have a reputation?


	484. High Standards.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has high standards and Merlin meets them.

Arthur : I have high standards.

(Merlin walks by)

Arthur : - and he, somehow, meets all of them.


	485. Finding Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon asks Merlin whether he has seen Arthur and receives an unexpected and shocking response.

Uther Pendragon : Have you seen Arthur?

Merlin : Every part of him.

Uther Pendragon : ... What?!?!?!

Gaius : That's not what he meant, Merlin!!!

Merlin : Then what did he mea - ohhh!!!

Merlin : OHHHHHHH!!!!


	486. One Hour To Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius wants to know something and Merlin thinks about the love of his life.

Gaius : Merlin, if you had only one hour left to live, what would you do?

Merlin : Arthu -

Gaius : I asked 'what' not 'who' !!!

Gaius : Can you try to be less gayer for a moment?


	487. Hardwood Floors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Morgana conquers the Kingdom of Camelot, she notices a significant change in the castle.

Morgana : (To Arthur) The Kingdom of Camelot has fallen before my powerful might.

Morgana : The stone floors of your castle will run red with - 

Morgana : (Looks down in surprise) When did you get hardwood?

Arthur : Oh, last week.

Morgana : Oh, it looks really nice.

Arthur : Thank you.

Morgana : Is that maple?

Arthur : It's oak, actually. 

Morgana : Oh, oak! That's really nice! Very classy.

Morgana : I almost don't want to get anybody's blood on it.

(Morgana and Arthur laugh in agreement)

Morgana : BUT I WILL !!!


	488. Redecorating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the deleted scenes starring Gwen and Morgana in the episode of 'Coming of Arthur'

Morgana : Welcome home, Guinevere of House Guinevere.

Morgana : I've taken the liberty of redecorating your abode. I hope you like it.

Gwen : (Looking around at the room filled with skulls and pictures of Morgana) Well ....

Morgana : I jest! For of course, I care nothing about you and your paltry tastes. 

Morgana : I've burned your belongings and replaced them with tributes to my glory.

Morgana : This Kingdom is now mine !!!


	489. Arthur's Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another deleted scene from the episode 'Coming of Arthur'

Arthur : I have returned to wage war once more !!!

Morgana : Ha!!! 

Morgana : I will gladly wage war once more,

Morgana : And after the gore,

Morgana : You will wish for days of yore,

Morgana : Then you will bow before .....

Morgana : .... me 

Arthur : Not until our blood runs cold and our bones molder on the floors

Merlin : (Thinking of how much cleaning he would have to do) Ewww!!! Can that not happen please?

Morgana : (Throws a cushion at Merlin) Silence! 

Merlin : Ouuuchhh !!! That had a button on it !!!


	490. Incredibly Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is about to do something and Gwaine is there for him.

Arthur : I'm about to do something incredibly stupid

Gwaine : My best friend has a name, you know!!!


	491. Kinky Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a specific kinky request.

Merlin : Arthur, choke me.

Arthur : Are you into that?

Merlin : No, I want to die.


	492. Great Analysis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is in trouble and he tries to explain himself

Arthur : Merlin, why is there a dead person in here?

Merlin : There was probably an alive person in here and then something happened and made them dead?

Arthur : Great analysis, Merlin!

Arthur : Now care to explain what you actually did?


	493. Arthur and Morgana's Solutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Morgana have different styles of ruling.

Arthur : You call this a diplomatic solution?

Morgana : No, I call this aggressive negotiations.


	494. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred wants to know what's for lunch.

Mordred : What's for lunch?

Merlin : Food, generally.

Mordred : No, I mean what are you having?

Merlin : An unwanted conversation.


	495. Divorce Papers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur are engaged and Gwen offers her best wishes.

Gwen : Congratulations on getting engaged to Arthur, Merlin! Is there anything you want me to get you?

Merlin : Divorce papers.


	496. Sleep is A Luxury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot is worried about Merlin's lack of sleep

Lancelot : Are you okay? You look like you haven't had any sleep.

Merlin : I got a solid eight minutes. 

Merlin : Not consecutively, but still.

Merlin : It's fine. You're not even that blurry.


	497. Aristocratic Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur talks to a criminal who gets very confused and Merlin intervenes to explain.

Arthur : You insufferable, reprehensible, deplorable, vermin!

Criminal : What?

Merlin : It’s aristocratic talk for “fuck off dipshit”.


	498. Not That Dramatic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine believes that he is not that dramatic but Merlin has evidence to prove otherwise.

Gwaine : What do you mean? I’m not that dramatic!

Merlin : When I asked you why you were wearing a bejewelled tiara, you quoted the entirety of Shakespeare’s “all the worlds a stage” monologue from As You Like It and then broke down crying. 

Merlin : And you know the scariest part?

Merlin : .......

Gwaine : ......

Merlin : You were sober.


	499. How's Life?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon is very worried about Merlin.

Leon : So, how’s life been?

Merlin : You know when you can’t sleep, so it’s just drowsy stretches of pain, and you don’t have the brain power to think, but you do have the nerve endings to suffer?

Leon : … Yeah?

Merlin : Yeah.


	500. The City of Camelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Chapter where King Uther and Hunith finally meet!!!

King Uther : In our city, we boast a rate of 1 murder per capita!

Hunith : One murder per person? How is anyone alive there?

King Uther : Now you’re getting it.


	501. Sad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine has something to say to Arthur and Gaius

"You know what’s sad? How seldom wisdom and fun correlate.”

\- Gwaine, to King Arthur and Gaius.


	502. Blood Scrolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't we all love Merlin and Morgana ?

Merlin : Legend says the sacred scrolls will be written in blood!

Morgana : Hm. Tell me, have you ever written in blood?

Merlin : No.

Morgana : Well it’s absolutely ghastly to write with! It coagulates inside the pen, it oxidises on the paper, and it clots before you can even get a drop on the paper! 

Morgana : These are all reasons why that analogy should be expunged from the scrolls, dreadfully impractical.


	503. Woodchucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin asks Arthur an innocent question

Merlin: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Arthur : Woodchucks can’t chuck wood anyway so it doesn’t fucking matter! Stop living in your hypothetical dream world of woodchucking woodchucks!

Gwaine, whispering to Merlin: He’s got a lot of anger about this topic.


	504. Crude Language?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur insults Merlin's capability in the area of language and Merlin retaliates

Arthur : Your crude language only highlights how inarticulate you are.

Merlin : Yeah? Well, you're a hubristic, intransigent, supercilious, insufferable piece of fucking shit!


	505. Special Occasion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is tired of Arthur's bullshit.

Merlin, to Arthur : Are you always this insufferable, or is this a special occasion? I must make sure to respond accordingly.


	506. Pranking King Uther

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King Uther Pendragon meets Gwaine for the first time and Gwaine plays a prank on him.

King Uther Pendragon : Kneel.

Gwaine : Yes?

King Uther Pendragon : I won't ask you again. Kneel.

Gwaine: Ask me what again?

King Uther Pendragon : Kneel!

Gwaine: What?!

Merlin: Uhhhh, Your Majesty? Neal is a common name. N-E-A-L.

King Uther Pendragon: Very well, kneel, Neal!

Gwaine: Would you believe my last name is Neil? With an I?

King Uther Pendragon: Kneel, Neal Neil!

Gwaine to a grinning Merlin and an exasperated Arthur : It's not, I just wanted to hear him say that.


	507. Motivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin asks the Pendragon siblings on what motivates them.

Merlin : Arthur, what motivates you?

Arthur: My ambition and desire to push humanity forward!

Merlin : Morgana, what about you?

Morgana: An unhealthy mix of spite, pettiness, the thirst for vengeance, and pure, relentless rage.


	508. Outplanned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of Merlin and Morgana's relationship as enemies.

Morgana : I will have anticipated your every move, you're outplanned.

Merlin : Ha! Well I'm ALWAYS outplanned,because I never have one!


	509. Merlin the Cheerleader.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's cheerleading cheers everyone up.

Merlin : Give me an S! Give me a U! Give me a P! Give me an E! Give me an R! Give me a C! Give me an A! Gi-

Lancelot : What is Merlin cheering?

Arthur : Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. We might be here awhile.


	510. Shut Up Merlin!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone wants Merlin to shut up but its not that easy.

Merlin : That bandit just threatened to kill me if I don’t stop talking.

Arthur : Why don’t you shut up then? 

Merlin : No, the real question is, what does he define as “talking”?

Arthur : *unintelligible whale noises.*


	511. Fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine have their bromantic conversations.

Gwaine : I think I can take him?

Merlin : You’re fighting Arthur? Just stay on your toes, he likes to head butt. It’ll be tough but I believe in you.

Gwaine : No. I’m fighting Percival.

Merlin : .......

Merlin : Can I have your stuff when you die?


	512. Unique Compliment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has his own unique way of complimenting his boyfriend.

Arthur : Merlin… you look like shit

Merlin : Awww, thank you!

(Mordred is stood somewhere nearby watching with a confused expression)


	513. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aredian the Witchfinder interrogates Merlin and it does not go as expected.

Merlin : So are you asking me to tell you what I would not tell you?

Aredian : First, I have no idea what you just said. Secondly, how about you just help me help you?

Merlin : Well, I don't know how to help you help me tell you something that would help you if I don't know it.

Aredian : ..........

Merlin : ............

Aredian : Are you doing this on purpose?


	514. Usual Level

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has some questions for Merlin

Arthur : Merlin, think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?

Merlin : If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.


	515. Arthur's Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what always happens when Merlin sneaks into Arthur's room when Arthur's asleep.

Arthur : (sleepily) What are you doing?

Merlin : I'm - um - not doing anything.

Merlin : This is just a dream that you're having.

Arthur : Why are you going through my stuff?

Merlin : Right but only in a dream. Remember, dream. Dreaming.

Arthur : Why would I dream about you going through my stuff?

Merlin : I don't know that, Arthur, okay? It's your dream! Take responsibility for it!


	516. Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur asks Gwaine whether he has seen Merlin around.

Arthur : Gwaine! Where's Merlin?

Gwaine : Sorry, Princess! I haven't seen him since the last time I saw him.

Arthur : When was that?

Gwaine : Last time I saw him?

Gwaine : It's definitely the time I saw him last !


	517. Code Names of Camelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur gives his trusted friends code-names.

Arthur : Okay people, from now on we'll be using code names.

Arthur : You can address me as 'Eagle 1'

Arthur : Gwaine is 'Been there, done that'.

Arthur : Leon is 'Currently doing that'.

Arthur : Merlin is 'It happened once in a dream'.

Arthur : Gwen is 'If I had to pick a dude'.

Arthur : And Lancelot is .... 'Eagle 2'.

Lancelot : Oh thank god!


	518. Dick Jokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Merlin make dick jokes which annoys Arthur.

Gwaine : Hey, Arthur. Wanna hear a joke about my dick?

Arthur : No.

Gwaine : Never mind, it's too long.

Arthur : Oh for the love of Camelot!

Merlin : Want to hear a joke about mine?

Arthur : Please stop.

Merlin : Never mind, you'll never get it.

Arthur : WHAT?

Gwaine : (Highfives Merlin) Nice !!! That's my boy !!!


	519. Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a smooth way of making Arthur blush

Merlin : Arthur, do you like water?

Arthur : Yes, of course, I like water. You need water for survival and frankly, I enjoy being alive.

Merlin : No, you're just supposed to say yes.

Arthur : Yes Merlin, I like water.

Merlin : (Grins cheekily) Good. Then you already like 72% of me.

Arthur : (Blushing) You're stupid and I hate you.


	520. Arthur's Sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine finds out why Morgana and Arthur are really related.

Morgana : What's this look on your face?

Gwaine : What look?

Morgana : The kind of look that makes me want to punch you.

Gwaine : Oh my god, you're so Arthur's sister.


	521. What the Hell?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is pissed off at Merlin and goes Gwaine to seek advice.

Arthur : Gwaine, what the hell is wrong with Merlin?

Gwaine : Well, he's completed only fifty of the hundred and fifty chores you've given him, he's a little socially awkward, and if you look close enough his jawline is kinda uneven.


	522. A Unicorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gaius try to convince Arthur that Morgana is turning Gwen evil but it is not that easy ....

Arthur : If Guinevere wants to take a long walk alone in the woods, why should I care?

Gaius : Sire, we have a pretty good idea that Guinevere might be - you know - turning ....

Arthur : Turning?

Merlin : Yeah, turning ...

Arthur : Into ?

Merlin : A unicorn! What do you think, clotpole? 

Merlin : She's turning evil !


	523. Wise Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur's reaction if he had discovered the magic book in Merlin's bedroom.

Arthur : Part of me wants to ask, the other part says knowing will be more disturbing than anything I could ever imagine.

Arthur : So - Uuuh - I'm going to walk away.

Merlin : That's good. That's a wise choice, Arthur.


	524. Abstinence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Merlin negotiate with a bandit and Arthur is just done.

(Gwaine and Merlin negotiating with a bandit)

Gwaine : Hey, you confess to your crimes....

Merlin : And then you devote your life to abstinence.

Arthur : How do you two losers even survive?

Arthur : This is how you do it.

(Merlin and Gwaine watches Arthur punch the bandit)

Gwaine : Oh yeah! That's excessive.

Merlin : That'll bruise.

Gwaine : Wow.

Merlin : Okay.

(The bandit finally confesses to his crimes and Arthur smirks at Gwaine and Merlin)


	525. Camping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur deals with the sarcastic Merlin and childish Gwaine

Gwaine : We found him like that!

Arthur : Where? Swimming in the Fountain of Youth?

Merlin : No, we found him buried in a tomb of wolfsbane, in an ancient temple in Essetier, underneath a church in the middle of a town that was destroyed by an earthquake. 

Arthur : You told me you were camping!

Merlin : Yeah we were!

Gwaine : In Essetier.


	526. Works In Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine meets evil Morgana

Morgana : I'm sure they've told you a lot about me.

Gwaine : The homicidal killing spree came up.

Morgana : Well, we're all works in progress.


	527. Independence Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a take on what Arthur, Merlin and Gwen would be like in the modern world.

Arthur : In less than an hour, an aircraft from here will be joining others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. 

Gwen : WHAT?

Arthur : Mankind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today. 

Gwen : What the hell is he talking about?

Merlin : He does this every year.

Gwen : Seriously?

Merlin : Yeah.

Arthur : We're fighting for our right to live!

Gwen : Wait, is this -

Merlin : Yeah. It's the speech from Independence Day.

Gwen : Mmmhmmm

Arthur : But as the day the world declared in one voice -

Merlin : It's Arthur's favorite movie.

Arthur : WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT!!!

Gwen : He doesn't know any other speeches?

Merlin : Yeah, I don't think he cares.

Arthur : TODAY WE CELEBRATE OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY !!!!


	528. Profanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred swears and Merlin is there to guide the little bean in the right path.

Mordred : Mother trucker dude! That hurt like a butt cheek on a stick!

Merlin : Watch your profanity!


	529. Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur hangs out with someone else and Merlin is jealous

Merlin : Did you hang out with Vivian last night?

Arthur : You know, yeah I did.

Merlin : Oh, I love Vivian.

Arthur : You hate Vivian.

Merlin : YEAH NO SHIT, HONEY!!!


	530. Walk Through Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana takes her hair very seriously.

Morgana : I would walk through fire for you guys.

Morgana : Well maybe not fire, but like a super humid room.

Morgana : But not too humid, because my hair.


	531. Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Morgana are discouraged and tired.

Merlin : I thought this was going to be our year.

Morgana : I couldn't even hold it together for a week.


	532. Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The procedure that Merthur goes through when getting ready for a mission

(Getting ready for a mission)

Merlin : Are we leaving?

Arthur : No, I'm leaving. Me, by myself.

Merlin : Oh, fabulous. I'll get my things.


	533. A Night With Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius confronts Merlin about a secret that he is hiding and our cute warlock boy panics.

Merlin : (Wearing one of Arthur's shirts)

Gaius : I know you spent the night with Arthur.

Merlin : (internally) Quick, act dumb!

Merlin : Who's Arthur?

Merlin : (internally) Not that dumb!


	534. Nice Axe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Morgana have more things in common than they care to admit.

Morgana : Sorry I'm late. Had to get my axe sharpened.

Arthur : Why do have an axe? Also, nice axe.


	535. Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has stuff to do.

Merlin : (noticeably disheveled as they enter the room) 

Merlin : Sorry I'm late. I was doing stuff.

Gwaine : (also disheveled and grinning smugly)

Gwaine : I'm stuff.


	536. Mordred Is A Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine rewards Mordred for his hard work and Arthur disapproves.

Gwaine, handing Mordred one glass of mead : Excellent work today, Mordred.

Arthur : Gwaine, no! He's a kid!

Gwaine: Oh!

Gwaine : .....

Gwaine, handing Mordred the second glass of mead : You're a growing boy.

Arthur : GWAINE NO -


	537. Crusade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur discusses why Gwaine and Merlin come with him on his quests

Arthur : Wow. Doesn't take much to get you tow on a crusade, does it?

Merlin : Barely anything.

Gwaine : Almost nothing.


	538. Moronsexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is attracted to stupid people and he meets the most oblivious and cutest dumbass of all.

Merlin : I'm proud to identify as moronsexual. I'm attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively.

Merlin : The other day, Gwaine asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.

Arthur : What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?

Merlin : (Already taking off his clothes) Sire, you're so fucking stupid.


	539. Go To The Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Mordred discuss grave and important matter.

Mordred : Merlin, it's like you don't even care. I mean what if I die?

Merlin : Then you would have a funeral.

Mordred : I mean, like what would you do?

Merlin : I would go to the funeral.


	540. Kill Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen tries to give some moral advice to her best friend but Morgana finds a way around it.

Gwen : If you kill a killer, the number of killers in the world stays the same.

Morgana : Kill two.


	541. Split Lip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is worried about Merlin but he knows Merlin too well.

Arthur : Are you okay? Your lip -

Merlin : (Who earlier managed to trip over and split his lip)

Merlin : I got into a fight

Arthur : .....

Merlin : I was super badass, you should have seen me. I was epic.

Arthur : Did you really get into a fight?

Merlin : (Quietly) No.


	542. Mathematical Burn!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin loves mathematically sassing Morgana

Morgana : My powers have doubled since the last time we met, Emrys.

Merlin : Two times zero is still zero.


	543. Sandwich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin isn't the worst manservant in Camelot.

Arthur : Oh, sorry. I fell asleep while I was waiting on you to make me a sandwich.

Merlin : Go back to sleep and starve.


	544. Morse Code

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur have secret ways of communicating with each other. Also Mommy Lancelot is here again!!!

Arthur : (Tapping his fingers on the table)

Merlin : (Tapping fingers back furiously)

Gwaine : What is going on?

Lancelot : They're talking in morse code.

Arthur : -. --- / ..- .-. / -.... . / -.-. ..- - . ... -

Merlin : (Slams hands on table) YOU FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK!!!


	545. Gwen Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen knows even before Arthur confesses.

Arthur : I have something to tell you, Gwen. 

Arthur : I love Merlin.

Gwen : .....

Arthur : ......

Gwen : Yeah, I know. You talk in your sleep a lot.


	546. Gaius' Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius asks a question from everyone.

Gaius : Okay, who else thought Merlin was my son?

Gaius : Merlin, put your hand down!


	547. A Race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is a champion at racing.

Gwaine : I was in a race once.

Gwaine : Well, I called it a race, the guards called it 'resisting arrest'.

Gwaine : They're mad when they lose.


	548. No Longer Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur has a surprising announcement for everyone and Merlin is just done.

Arthur : Merlin and I are no longer friends!

Merlin : Arthur, that is the worst way to tell people we are dating.


	549. Zo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is done with Gwaine's stupidity.

Gwaine : If you think about it, the Z is only a N in reverse.

Arthur : Gwaine, stop it.

Gwaine : ..........

Gwaine : Zo.


	550. Murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is awfully quiet and Mommy Lancelot is concerned.

Gwaine : (Flirts with Merlin)

Lancelot : You're awfully quiet, Arthur.

Arthur : (Looking at Gwaine) Nobody plans a murder out loud.


	551. Merlin's Opinion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur seeks Merlin's opinion on sorcery.

Arthur : Maybe my father was wrong. Maybe sorcery isn't all evil. Don't you have anything to say about magic, Merlin?

Merlin : Not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly.


	552. Key Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaius advises Merlin on how to be the best warlock in the world.

Gaius : Remember the key words for a warlock.

Gaius : Preparation, preparation, preparation.

Merlin : That's one word, three times.


	553. Brilliant Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a plan and his best friend Gwaine steps up to help because he thinks its a brilliant idea

Gwaine : What are you doing?

Merlin : Practicing a charm to make pigs fly.

Gwaine : Why?

Merlin : Arthur said he'd go out with me 'when pigs fly'

Gwaine : ......

Merlin : ........

Gwaine : LETS DO IT!!!!


	554. Weddings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot is planning his wedding with Gwen but he forgot one very important detail

Lancelot : So, I'm thinking a spring, maybe fall wedding, I don't want it to be too hot though.

Gwen : Sweetheart, we aren't engaged. 

Lancelot : SO THAT'S WHAT I FORGOT TO DO LAST NIGHT


	555. Morgana's Rule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin asks Morgana for help but Morgana sets some ground rules first.

Merlin : We need your help.

Morgana : Great, who are we killing?

Morgana: I won't do kids. That's a rule.

Morgana : But that rule is negotiable if the kid's a dick.


	556. Embarrassing Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin wins a challenge and Arthur asks him how he did it.

Arthur : So how did you convince all the Knights of the Round Table to betray me?

Arthur : What did you offer them?

Merlin : I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you and they instantly said yes. 

Arthur : I'm not going to lie, that turns me on a bit.


	557. Keep Doing That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is annoyed with everyone except Merlin.

Arthur : Can everyone stop it for a second ?!

Everyone : (Goes quiet)

Merlin : (Stops running his hand through Arthur's hair)

Arthur : Wait, no, not you Merlin. Keep doing that.


	558. Patriarchal Values

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is late for a council meeting and Morgana fills him in.

Gwaine : (Runs into the council meeting) What did I miss?

Morgana : The oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our life.

Gwaine : Oh okay


	559. Last Person On Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is asking questions and Merlin is just done.

Gwaine : If I was the last person on earth, would you date me?

Merlin : Gwaine, if you were the last person on earth, I wouldn't exist.


	560. Poor Son of A Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are times Arthur and Uther recognizes Merlin's true value.

Arthur : And worst of all, I had Merlin greet him. 

Uther Pendragon : What did you have him do?

Arthur : Be himself.

Uther Pendragon : Poor son of a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my lovelies, I'm back !!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉
> 
> I am so sorry for being away for so long.
> 
> I didn't really continue this for some time because I was going through a time where I felt hopeless and sad but things are better now and I feel much better, so I will be continuing the exciting adventures of our mischievous troublemakers in Camelot! 😊🙌😊
> 
> Thank you so much for your love and support, it means so much to me. 😊😍😘
> 
> I love you all!💕💕💕💕


	561. Title of the Princess' Sex Tape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine takes Arthur into the tavern to show him a good time and it backfires spectacularly.

(At the Tavern)

Arthur : Can you magically make everyone kind, sober and fully dressed?

Gwaine : "Kind, sober, and fully dressed.". Good news, everyone, we found the name of the Princess' sex tape !!!


	562. Names For Gaius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine takes on the task of annoying Gaius.

Gwaine : Is Gaius your real name?

Gaius : Yes.

Gwaine : Do you like it?

Gaius : It's fine. 

Gwaine : Would you rather be named Bill?

Gaius : No.

Gwaine : Frank? 

Gaius : No.

Gwaine : Mike?

Gaius : No. 

Gwaine : Bob?

Gaius : No.

Gwaine : Ed?

Gaius : (To Merlin) Does this belong to you?


	563. Total Package

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther Pendragon is a patient father with two quick witted and fiery children. Give him a break.

(Uther Pendragon is trying to break up a quarrel between Arthur and Morgana)

Uther Pendragon : Will there be a time that I don't have to send you two to opposite corners of the room?

(Arthur and Morgana share a look)

Morgana : When hell freezes over. 

Arthur : And the people down there finally get that glass of ice water they've been waiting on. 

Morgana : (Laughs) I like that one !!!

Arthur : I know right ! I came up with that one just now!

Morgana : Ooooh, pretty and quick witted. 

Arthur : What can I say, Princess of Darkness? I'm a total package. 

(Uther Pendragon facepalms)


	564. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations between brother and sister can be quite weird and complicated. Arthur and Morgana are no different.

Arthur : Morgana, I am not in denial. 

Morgana : Yes, you are. You're just denying you're in denial.

Arthur : Morgana, dear, I am not denying I'm in denial.

Morgana : If you're not denying you're in denial, then you're in denial.

Arthur : Look, fluffhead. Why should I deny being in denial? I never said I was in denial. 

Arthur : YOU are the one who said I was in denial and don't you deny it.


	565. The Dare Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Gwaine are engaged in a fierce competition and Merlin is just being Merlin.

Arthur : Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!

Gwaine : That's because you know it'll stick!

Arthur : You're full of it!

Gwaine : Oh yeah?

Arthur : Yeah !

Gwaine : Well, I double - DOG - dare ya !!!

Merlin : (narrating the conversation likes a sports announcer) Now, it's serious! A double - dog - dare ! What else is there but a 'triple dare you'? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple dog dare !!!

Gwaine : I TRIPLE - DOG - DARE YA !!!!

Merlin : (still narrating) Gwaine has created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat !!!


	566. Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur needs Attention.

Arthur : I'm ignoring you. 

Merlin : ..........

Arthur : I said, I'm ignoring you.

Merlin : ...........

Arthur : Stop ignoring me ignoring you !!!!


	567. The Union

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Merlin goes undercover to infiltrate Morgana's secret lair and uncover her dark plans.

(When Gwaine and Merlin are doing some undercover recon) 

Guard : Look, Lady Morgana's not seeing any recruits today. Okay?

Gwaine : That's okay, buddy. We're from the union. 

Guard : The union? 

Merlin : We represent the fighters in all secret magical organizations, both evil and benign. 

Guard : Oh, of course.

Gwaine : Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?

Guard : A little. We don't even have dental. 

Merlin : (To Gwaine, shaking his head) They don't even have dental. 

Merlin : Okay, we're going to have a look around. And, buddy, it would be better if Morgana doesn't know about this. Know what I mean? Hmm?


	568. Merlin's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Merlin's Birthday and Arthur really is the loveliest person to Merlin.

Arthur : What are you trying to get rid of me for ? You got plans?

Merlin : As a matter of fact, I do.

Arthur : I don't like it when you have plans.

Merlin : I'm allowed to have plans on my birthday. 

Arthur : It's your birthday?

Merlin : Yes.

Arthur : I knew that .... Already?

Merlin : Yeah, isn't that strange? It's the same day as last year. 

Arthur : Well, get yourself something nice from me. 

Merlin : I already did. 

Arthur : Yeah? And?

Merlin : Oh it's very nice .... very tasteful. Thank you, prat. 

Arthur : You're welcome, idiot.


	569. Dumping Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen dumps Arthur because she loves another.

Arthur : You're dumping me for him?

Gwen : No, I'm dumping you, period. And then I'm going to be with him. Period. If .... that's okay with him, question mark. 

Lancelot : Totally. Exclamation point. 

Arthur : Oh puke. Parenthesis, bold, underline.


	570. Who Broke It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana is an evil mastermind.

Morgana : So, who broke it? I'm not mad, I just want to know. 

Gwen : I did, I broke it - 

Morgana : No, no, you didn't. Arthur? 

Arthur : Don't look at me. Look at Merlin. 

Merlin : What? I didn't break it!

Morgana : Hmmm. That's weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Merlin : Because it's sitting right in front of us, and it's broken.

Morgana : No, it's not!

Leon : If it matters .... probably not .... Gwaine was the last one to use it. 

Gwaine : Liar! I don't even drink that crap. 

Leon : Oh really? Then what were you doing by the tea stand at Camelot earlier?

Gwaine : I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Leon!

Gwen : Alright, let's not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it Morgana.

Morgana : No. Who broke it?

Merlin : Arthur's been awfully quiet ....

Arthur : Really ?!

Merlin : Yeah, really !

(Cut to Morgana in another room, the rest of them fighting in the background)

Morgana : I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now on, they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Morgana : Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.


	571. Quizzing Gwaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana and Gwaine's friendship is based on their love for drama and answering ridiculous quizzes.

(Morgana giving Gwaine a quiz from a 'Camelot High' Magazine she 'borrowed' from Gwen)

Morgana : Your best friend borrows your lip gloss .... (dramatic gasp) without asking !!!

Gwaine : (Dramatic gasp)

Morgana : What do you do? A. Find a new best friend, B. Push her down a flight of stairs, or C.....

Gwen : What?! It doesn't say that !

Morgana : Well yeah, but I think it should definitely be an option!

Gwaine : I pick B .... Down the stairs she goes !


	572. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana doesn't' trust anyone. Except one.

Merlin : You don't trust anyone, that's your problem.

Morgana : I trust my hair stylist.


	573. Dinner Is Served, Sire!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur isn't really trusting of Merlin with his food after the rat dinner incident.

(As Merlin serves Arthur dinner)

Arthur (suspicious) : What is this?

Merlin : Steak. 

Arthur : What is in it?

Merlin : .... Cow?


	574. Big Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur needs Merlin's hands.

Arthur (shouting) : Merlin, uh, how big are your hands?

Merlin : What?

Arthur : How big are your hands?

Merlin : I don't understand why ....

Arthur : Get down here ! I need you !


	575. A Woman's Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is an expert in the area of romance.

"The moment you think you know what's going on in a woman's head is the moment your goose is well and truly cooked."

\- Gwaine giving the knights a little well deserved advice.


	576. Poodle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Mordred are trying to get along. Really.

Mordred : Merlin, stay!

Merlin : I'm not your poodle, Mordred !


	577. A Lap Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is ready to offer his expertise and advice to Arthur.

Gwaine : You need some lady advice. 

Arthur : I'd rather get a lap dance from a troll.


	578. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana teaches Gwen an important lesson about feelings.

Gwen : I don't want to hurt their feelings. 

Morgana : Hurt their feel - Do you just walk around all day thinking about other peoples' feelings?

Gwen : Yeah, don't you?

Morgana : NO! How do you get anything done?


	579. Camelot Can Be Saved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's sass is his real magic.

Morgana : How can any of you defeat me, when I've already won?

Merlin : You haven't won.

Morgana : Perhaps you haven't noticed the state of Camelot. 

Merlin : It's almost bad as your dress but at least Camelot can be saved !


	580. Not Every Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine tells Merlin the most interesting story.

Gwaine : I used to know this guy named Anthony.

Merlin : ..... And ?

Gwaine : You know, not every story has to be interesting.


	581. Next Level

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine and Merlin have their usual chats.

Merlin : There's also the .... Arthur of it all. We very recently took things to the next level. 

Gwaine : (narrowing his eyes) He hasn't defiled you, has he?


	582. Running Out of Excuses.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy Leon is having a bad day and is very irritated and Mordred is running out of excuses.

Leon (irritated) : Mordred, what took you so long?

Mordred : I'm sorry, Leon. I had to wait, uh, three hundred years for a virgin to light a candle.


	583. Spoon Hat.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Arthur, Merlin is the worst manservant in Camelot.

Merlin : Look, I made a spoon hat !

Arthur : Well, that explains why I'm having to eat my soup with a fork.


	584. The Voice of Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur and Gwaine have a disagreement.

"Arthur! You're forcing me to be the voice of reason here, and it's NOT a good look for me!"

\- Gwaine shouting at Arthur as he storms away after an argument.


	585. Instruction Manual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a huge burden on his shoulders and he really doesn't know what to do about it.

"Everyone keeps saying I'm special, that I'm the only one who can bring about the golden age of Albion, but nobody gave me a fucking instruction manual!"

\- Merlin.


	586. Great News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine reacts to the happy news of his two good friends.

"I think it's great! For Arthur. Merlin might be able to do better." 

\- Gwaine on hearing the news of Merlin's and Arthur's engagement.


	587. Great Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine is full of great ideas and Merlin is full of realistic memories.

Gwaine : Oh, oh! I've got a great idea about what we can do tonight!

Merlin : The last time you said that we had to get your stomach pumped.


	588. Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mommy Lancelot is concerned about Arthur.

Lancelot : Arthur, are you crying?

Arthur : Pollen.


	589. Sarcasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is a sarcastic little shit who is trying to shield Mordred away from the dark truth by using sarcasm.

Mordred : Is he dead?

Merlin : (sarcastically) No, he's just having a wee lie - down.


	590. The Way Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred asks Merlin a question, and Merlin has a disturbing answer.

Mordred : Let's say the tables were turned. If I were about to walk off a cliff, what would you do?

Merlin : Push. 

Mordred : I don't believe that. 

Merlin : You would on the way down.


	591. Old Married Couple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur are an old married couple.

Arthur : Wow. You know everyone of my stories. 

Merlin : And you know every one of mine. I guess it's official: we're an old married couple.

Arthur : Nice !

Merlin : We did it!


	592. On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana has no time for pity.

"I would pity you if I wasn't so busy imagining you on fire." 

\- Morgana to Uther Pendragon.


	593. Merlin The Sarcastic Shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur is panicking and Merlin is full of sarcasm.

(Uther Pendragon lying on the floor)

Arthur : Is he gonna be alright?

Merlin : I don't know. Does he normally lay like that without moving?


	594. Losing Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is a petty and dramatic bitch and that's why we all love him.

Merlin : Years ago, I lost my dear husband Arthur. 

Arthur : Quit telling everyone I'm dead!

Merlin : Sometimes, I can still hear his voice!


	595. Look Out Arthur!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana and Merlin team up to make Arthur's life a living hell.

Morgana : Look, it's Arthur ! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Merlin : Yeah, let's push him down the stairs.


	596. Best Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine are friendship goals.

"I honestly can't even tell the two of you apart half the time, because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical."

\- Arthur to Merlin and Gwaine.


	597. Giving Them Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Gwaine are ready to party but Mommy Lancelot won't let them step out until he has finished his list of advice for them.

Merlin : We're going now. 

Lancelot (to Merlin and Gwaine) : Alright, wait a minute. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, no ritual animal slaughters of any kind.

Lancelot : Oh, God, I'm giving them ideas.


	598. Young, Blonde, Pissed Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana and Uther Pendragon have a conversation

Uther Pendragon : Young, Blonde, Pissed Off.

Morgana : Sound like anybody we know?

Uther Pendragon : Hmmphhh.


	599. Misusing Words

Uther Pendragon : So Gaius, what's your biggest pet peeve?

Gaius : Seeing people attempt to sound smart by using lengthy words and misusing them. 

Arthur : I totally photosynthesis with this.


	600. Misusing Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uther and Gaius are very tired fathers of one obnoxious son named Arthur Pendragon

Uther Pendragon : So Gaius, what's your biggest pet peeve?

Gaius : Seeing people attempt to sound smart by using lengthy words and misusing them. 

Arthur : I totally photosynthesis with this.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone this is my first work so I hope you enjoyed it.


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